Amanda just nodded and went back to the food. “That’s what I figured. I think you’ll like it. I’m still chopping here, so I think you’ll have time for a shower if you want before we eat.”
Jake felt awkward and foolish. Blind-sided. He stood stock-still in the kitchen doorway, his hat in his hand, only knowing that Amanda was quickly driving him to distraction, and that he couldn’t keep up with her.
“How’d you do it?” he demanded.
Amanda looked over her shoulder. “You mean how did I manage to clear the entire ranch of people so we could be alone tonight? Not an easy thing to do by any means. But it seems as if you’ve been a mite testy the last few days. Everybody thought it would be a great idea if I could somehow see my way to... getting you into a better mood.”
Jake’s eyes flew open. “They said that?”
Amanda chuckled. “Betty? Be serious. She didn’t say anything more than ‘tell him he doesn’t deserve you.’ Have you been cranky with her?”
Jake nodded his head before he realized it. “I was coming up to apologize when I saw the lights... by the way, where are they?”
He got another smile for that, a smile full of memory and promise. “I kind of liked the atmosphere better before. More intimate, don’t you think?”
There was one Coleman kerosene lantern on the counter. Everywhere else the light was provided by firelight and candlelight. The house shuddered with it, undulated with it, a sensuous, soft light that seemed to melt reality. It made Jake’s mouth water and his belly ache.
“I’ll take that shower now,” he suggested, realizing that he was starting to wring the brim of his hat the way Clovis did. Turning on his heel, he hung it up out of the way before he started chewing on it, too. “Unless you’d like to join me.”
The thud-thud of the cleaver slowed noticeably, but refused to stop. “This is all timed,” she demurred. “But don’t use up all the hot water. We might see our way back in later.”
Jake choked down images and fantasies and took himself off before he lifted her right onto the counter and ruined that pretty dress of hers.
Amanda listened to Jake’s boots echo on the hardwood floor. She waited for them to diminish toward his bedroom, waited for the door to close. Then, shuddering, she dropped the cleaver and shut her eyes.
She wasn’t going to be able to do it. She was going to approach him wrong, state her case badly, break his heart.
Shewasgoing to break his heart. There was no other way to let him know he wasn’t alone. She just prayed that she wouldn’t shove him so far away that he wouldn’t let her share.
“You shouldn’t teach him,” the counselor in Pinedale had told her. “The stress is too great for people in a relationship. The frustration levels are particularly high. You don’t need him blaming you if he can’t manage as quickly as he’d like.”
But they hadn’t found an alternative. The towns within a negotiable distance that had programs also had close business ties with the Diamond K, and so far the counselor hadn’t found any viable alternatives. Jake’s best chance to learn would be with a one-on-one tutor, someone to badger and bully and encourage him the way he had his siblings. And all the best information prevented Amanda from being that tutor, which meant that more people would have to know. And how many, to Jake Kendall, would be too many people?
Maybe just one. Maybe just her.
Amanda timed it to the minute. She was pulling the cashew chicken off the stove when she heard Jake return. The other food waited out on the table, and she’d opened the bottle of plum wine she’d bought. Maybe he didn’t like red wine, but there were few things more delectable to her than a good plum wine with Chinese food.
“It smells... interesting,” he allowed.
Amanda set out the dish and turned to greet him. Her words died in her throat. He stood in the door like a young man on his first date, uncomfortable and stiff. He had jeans on, and they looked brand-new enough to cause a rash. Over those he’d worn a sweater that one of the kids must have bought him and he’d left in his room rather than insult them by giving it away. He obviously thought it looked ridiculous because it had been knitted in shades of teal blues and cream. Not a man’s sweater at all, she could almost hear him say. What he hadn’t realized was that he could wear a ruffled nightgown and bunny slippers and still look like a man.
The thick, soft sweater was devastating on him, V-necked enough that Amanda got a hint of the delicious dark gold hair that she loved to finger on his chest, and just the colors to bring out the startling blue of his eyes. He’d shaved, and his hair was still wet, clinging in soft waves to the back of his neck. It was all Amanda could do to keep her hands off him.
“My God,” she gasped with coy surprise. “You own something that doesn’t have flannel or goose feathers?”
Jake’s scowl was impressive. “You got dressed up. It was the least I could do.”
Amanda smiled for him. “I got dressed up to seduce you, Jake. You did that in a down vest and boots.” She held up a hand. “But don’t change again on my account. I think I could really get used to you in sweaters.”
That didn’t seem to ease his discomfort any. Amanda went right to plan two and walked up to him. Lifting her face to his, her body insinuating itself against the cloud-soft sweater and the rasp of jeans, she gave him a welcome kiss that noticeably changed the configuration of those jeans. And then, before either of them could do anything about it, she stepped out of Jake’s reach.
“Let’s eat,” she suggested.
Jake’s eyes were as dark as night. “My idea exactly...”
She spun out of his way and headed back to the table. “Come on, Jake. I want to see what you think of my cooking.”
She heard his impatient growl and ignored it, wishing her hands weren’t clammy, that she had a better plan than show him what he was missing and then wing it. Praying that love would be enough to help them beyond the revelation and all the pain it would unleash.
