That was too much. It was too much!
"You're afraid I want to use you," he said, his neurofilament gently squeezing my hand.
I lifted my chin.
"I'm not afraid," I said, feeling the truth in my heart. My anxiety wasn't fear. I wasn't afraid of the things I imagined. My mind churned out terrible possibilities as a way to prepare to protect myself. It wasn't fear; it was proactive planning for worst-case scenarios. When it came to this moment, I wasn't afraid of being knocked up and abandoned. I had my group of women around me, supporting me. We were going to stay connected and raise kids together; that was always a part of the plan, even if careers or husbands changed the course of where we were physically. What I was feeling wasn't fear; it was a desire so strong it made my insides quiver with the sheer scope of exactly how much I wanted.
"I'm greedy," I summarized.
"Greedy?" he asked.
I'd already strode right out on the plank of bluntness; it was time to dive right into the sea.
"I want all of this," I said, lifting my hand off his abdomen and gesturing around the entire room. "I want all of you. I want my partner in life to be a giant space whale who can takeme wherever I want to go, host whomever I want to live with, without me ever having to leave if I don't want to. I want to be catered to, entertained, fed, and adored. I read that bit in the introductory pamphlet about the manufacturing bay, and I want access to that so I can make whatever my heart can dream of. I want to raise my kid, or kids, in an environment where I don't have to worry about them toddling out of sight while I'm engrossed in a project because I know that my husband will make every space perfectly safe for them. I don't want maybes or wiffle waffling. I'm ready for a partner, and I'm not sharing you. If we do this, you're mine. You promise me that you are the man of my dreams and I will be your prince charming and wake you from your sleep with a lot more than a kiss."
There it was, I was going all in.
I knew that it was sensible to wait, to go slow, to take my time with him for trust to build, and all that. But I knew what I wanted. All I needed was for him to want the same thing, to want to go in the same direction in life as me, and then everything else could be worked on with healthy communication and patient boundaries.
"Yes," he said, a desperate note to his tone, like he was going full force into the madness of the moment with me. "Please."
Chapter
Six
Masak
I'd never met a woman so profoundly magnificent before.
I'd never let a woman other than my mother and my sister near my core before, and now I knew why I had been so reluctant to the point that my sister would joke about how I was too picky, though that joke was always accompanied with praise for my selectiveness. It was important to be cautious. Even so, I could have found someone from within my species to free me from my shell lock, someone who was well-trusted, known enough by others to be certain that she wouldn't be a trap laid by a Calcilum to prey upon my vulnerable state and enslave me as they had done countless others.
I'd waited all this time because I hadn't met Beth yet.
She was bright and vibrant, her mind as colorful as her clothing, with dark and light shades lying next to each other, enhancing the power of her thoughts with the contrast between them. It wasn't just that I was able to look into every detail of her life and know that she was a safe person to get close to, it was because of the type of woman she was right here, right now,putting her hand on my chest, a touch that felt like it was out of a fever dream, bringing sparks of awareness back into a form I had locked away in the center of me.
Beth wanted. She needed.
She had an entire story built in her head of who we could be together, how her life would fit into mine, and what she saw was beautiful. Her words painted a future I hadn't quite been able to envision on my own before I met her, a path that led to a type of happiness that, now that I knew existed, I couldn't imagine a life without it.
I wanted her. I needed her.
"Touch me," I demanded, and I used my soft grip on her hand to pull her palm over to my prone body. I slid my tendrils back, out of the way, leaving the full extent of me on display. I placed her palm on my hip, close to my mating appendage. It was erect and ready. It had been from the first moment she flirted with me, an urge that plagued the back of my mind. Right now, I was vulnerable and exposed to her, but she was also within my power. I could lift her up, strip her clothes off, spread her legs, and slam her down on me. I could take her in every way possible.
I wanted what she wanted. I needed what she needed.
I let go of her hand and contented myself with snaking a filament up through the wide opening of her flowy pant leg, sliding up her inner thigh and heading straight back to the warm, wet slit that guarded the entrance to her inner sanctum. I caressed her, stroking and rubbing as her knees buckled and she caught herself, both hands going to rest on my body, one of them landing on my thigh.
"Oh fuck," she gasped.
She didn't remain incapacitated by my touch for long.
"Two can play at that game," she growled as I slithered around the nub of her pleasure, waiting to tease out anotherwarm gush of her arousal as I probed at her folds, pressing towards her wet opening.
Her hand reached out and closed around my mating appendage, gripping it firmly near the base. Then she bent over the table and wrapped her lips around me, the wet heat of her mouth sending shockwaves through my awareness. I sank into her as I cried out, and she moaned, the vibrations of her voice sending shivers of echoing pleasure through me, the succulent depth of her channel wrapping around my filament as her mouth sucked and dragged with equal vigor on my inert body.
If she kept going like that, I was going to spill into her eager mouth.
I reached out, wrapping filaments into her hair and pulling her up and off me gently, even as I continued to pump in and out of her wet depth, enjoying the slick sounds of her arousal coating my filament. She let out a whine of protest, reaching out for my body with both hands, even as I pulled her out of reach, sliding filaments up inside her clothing where I could touch the bare skin of her, caress every inch of her soft, plump body.
