I swing the light toward the voice. Hands bat at the brightly lit air, and a body dives to hide beneath a pillow on the sofa. “Winnie? What are you doing out here?”
A half-full wineglass rises above her head in surrender. “Now, can you turn out the light? Please?”
I spot my water bottle on the other side of the sink, miles from where I’d been poking about. Grabbing it, I dull the flashlight and climb over the back of the sofa to plop beside Winnie.
“You’re far too agile,” she mumbles.
“I have a new appreciation for movement after sleeping in hospital chairs.” My rear still hasn’t forgiven me for my five-day tenure. Sleeping on the ground is kinder than attempting to nap in those things, and I have lengthy experience in that matter.
“I understand.” Winnie’s glass clinks against her teeth as she takes a long sip. “You’ve moved right in here, huh?”
Herhuhand Cord’shuhare two different beasts. I’m not tired enough to pretend otherwise. Cord’s simply means that he’s come to a conclusion.
Winnie’s contains an accusation that I can’t ignore.
“I love your brother, Winnie. You know that.” I smile in the dark, though it doesn’t carry quite the level of emotion I want it to hold tonight.
“Yeah.” The fake perkiness in her voice sinks, something notquite sarcasm dripping from it. Apparently, we’re sharing a moment.
“Is that guilt?” I poke her with my toe. “Out with it.”
“Feet,” Winnie hisses.
I withdraw said toe.
“Better. Out with what?”
I snort. “Are you kidding me? This is me, Winnie. I’m not your brother. Or West.” Not that I think she’d get anything by either of the boys, but after a glass of wine that I suspect is not her first of the night, I’m not about to tell her that.
Winnie ignores my three a.m. comments. “Fine. I’m sitting here drinking because I’m attempting to face what a shitty family we’ve been to my brother. All of us, except for my daughter.” Her throat clears and I can practically feel her face burning from where I’m sitting.
“Do you have the guilts because he gave you money?” I toy with my water bottle.
“He gave Sally money,” she corrects me, swirling her wineglass in the dark. “A fortune, literally, that’s now in her bank account that neither of us know what to do with. Well, she wants a pony. But on the guilt front, maybe?”
Wine sluices over my leg. “Cold!” I shift sideways to avoid the icy puddle determined to reduce my internal temperature. “Winnie, he tried to will West and me Coyote Falls while he was still alive. I get it. He can be weird.”
Weirddoesn’t begin to cover it. The memory of Cord lying deathly still in that hospital bed, hooked up to dozens of machines breathing for him, is suffocating. I thought that would change when we both returned to Coyote Falls, but the house is packed with people, and every shuffled step is a stark reminder of the accident.
I swear I’ll hear sterile machine beeps in my sleep for the rest of my life. At least now Cord is a little more virile than the living corpse he was when he first returned home, dragging himself from room to room. But he still wanders about the homestead with apersona that doesn’t always seem to be his. I’m still struggling to adjust to that significant change in him.
He might be different when he wakes.The doctor said that back at the hospital. I thought he was referring to potential brain damage, and I tried to prepare myself for that possibility. But what I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for is the man who simply pretends the accident never happened. That he can behave like I didn’t see him fall off that damn bull, andhearhis body hit the ground, dragged beneath the tangle of hooves, trampled over and over in the swirl of choking dust, and wasn’t able get to him or stop the damage from happening.
Bile rises from my stomach to burn my throat. I cough into the back of my hand, embedding my teeth into my first knuckle and use the pain to will away the taste of sawdust that coats my tongue on a daily basis.
I can’t stay here.
It’s not the first time I’ve turned the thought over in my mind, but I don’t want to leave him. He’s so…vulnerable, and yet untouchable at the same time. Typical Cord in all ways. And he seems to want me to stay, though it’s clear he doesn’t need me.
Cordell Rand has all the support crew he’ll ever need right here at Coyote Falls. He knows that because I showed him. I made sure of it.
I’m still not sure if I’m the only one in the homestead who understands that…or if we’re all waiting for him to implode and kick us all out.
“Oh, yeah.” Winnie laughs. “I’m sure he’ll get weirder. Cord’s always been like that. But still—you all support him. And we…”
Do we? DoI?
I fake a smile in the darkness and put on my best-friend hat, even though I feel the furthest thing from it right now. “Are you having a pity party? Because you’re here. Sally is here. She can play paintball with Billy in the morning. Get him to volunteer for duty. Cord gets to see her grow, and you’re helping him out aroundthe house, providing him with a distraction while he readjusts to whateverthisis going to be.”
