I poke him as Billy saunters away, whistling. “Be nice.”
FIFTEEN
CORD
What Darkness Brings
Lanie works well with the boys. Her determination rises, giving her a greater focus and strength than any muscle definition could. My girl might not be as physically strong as the men sloughing dirt beside her in the yard, but she is no stranger to long work hours.
The practice ring begins to form up, the rhythm of yard work somewhat settling the cold beast inside me.
“You need to look after your girl.” West pauses to gulp water that’s turned hot beneath the early-afternoon sun.
I shrug, all pretense gone, though the hurt and self-loathing remain as a constant echo. “I’m not sure she’s mine any longer.”
“Lanie told me about last night.”
My stomach clenches. That she’d gone to my best friend riles me more than anything else, though God knows I deserve the break in trust for ruining hers. Blowing out a short breath, I push my personal pity party aside and let my battered ego take over, shielding me from a pain of my own making. “Have a good little chat, did you? All the sordid details?” I sneer, slamming the bolt down on the temporary corral.
“You’re lucky she didn’t slap you. Or leave you. Though there’salways hope.” West’s eyes glimmer, bringing out the hotheaded beast he reserves for whenever emotion gets the better of him.
“What, you want a turn?”
“Fuck you. And grow the fuck up,” he snaps.
“I’d already slept with her by the time you all crawled into my house and cozied up to her.” Even as a throwaway comment, the layer of bullshit grips my gut.She can’t leave. I can’t lose her.And yet I push both Lanie and everyone else in my life away with every word I utter. I twist on my heel, seeking her out. “Maybe I need the change, West. Tired of the same old.”
My best friend ignores me. “By the time you get through your temper tantrum, you won’t have any shoulders left to cry on.”
“Is that what this is?” I muse, my voice an emotionless void.
“Dunno what you’ve got, man. The last time I saw you like this was after they told you that you might not walk again. The house was half-finished, and I thought I’d be building that big bastard alone.” West leans forward, propping his fists on the railing. “But after your temper tantrum at the world, typical Rand returned, refusing to stay in that damn chair. You refused to be influenced by something as menial as science.”
“I remember,” I say, quietly. “But I try not to.”Unless someone shoves the memory in my face.
West glares at me, a look that’s leveled lesser men. Today, I might as well join them. “Are you trying to forget what makes youyou,Rand? You’ve never been a coward.”
“You haveneverfaced?—”
“I did face it. Every damn day, right alongside you. Do yourself a favor and find that man before I punch this one and break his fucking neck a second time.”
West stalks away. He grabs an oversized jerry in one hand and hefts a hay bale over his other shoulder. His strides are long, ignoring the weight that should bow his back.
I swallow the bile that coats my throat. He’s right. I know he’s right, and he’s the only man who has the right to say those words to me because he did stand there, every day, every single hour, besideme as I struggled to get my ass out of that chair and forced my legs to do what every surgeon denied that I would ever be able to do again.
My palms are clean, but I wipe them on my jeans anyway, though the taint lingering beneath my skin remains. The months stuck in the damn chair were filled with self-loathing at both my physical weakness that stopped me from moving forward and what I considered, at the time, my pathetic mental state.
Which brings me straight back to last night.
I’ve abused the trust of the woman I invited into my home, and I’m still fighting the man who loves me like a brother. Who spent more time with me in his darkest days than anyone in my family ever had, apart from maybe my sister. All because I made a fast decision that I let myself be pushed into, knowing there were better ways to achieve my goals. Healthier ones. I made the bet and now I have to live with it.
Shaking my head, I slap my hat on my thigh, wondering what else I can do to screw up today.
Lanie stands a dozen paces away, frozen, clutching a plate of sandwiches in her arms. A muscle jumps in my cheek as at the sight of her so skittish around me. I did that, which means I have a whole lot of fixing to do, and my best groveling before she’ll forgive me, no matter what she says.
Because she’s right. Just like West. But I’ll deal with the big guy a little differently than I will with my girl. No matter what, I’m not giving up on her.
“Levi asked me to bring these over,” she murmurs, her grip bowing the thin tray. It masks some of the tiny trembles in her hands, and I pretend not to notice.
