“I don’t know what I want anymore,” she confessed.
“Don’t you?” Her mother brushed a lock of hair off her forehead and looked down at her in gentle surprise. “You’ve always gone after what you wanted no matter what anyone else tried to tell you.”
“That’s a nice way of saying stubborn.”
Her dad laughed softly. “And we know who you got that from. But look what you’ve built. That took a strong will.”
“And I’m going to lose it.” Reality crashed in again, and she had to bite her tongue to keep from letting loose with another sob. “I know you guys don’t care what happens to BUILD, butIdo.”
Her mother’s hand stilled before she started stroking her hair again. “I’ll admit we didn’t understand it at first, but with you living here, we’ve seen more of what you do. We’re so proud of you, honey.”
“And not just because people like George Voit are too.” Her dad gently patted her ankle, which was poking off the couch at an awkward angle, and Faith was so overcome with emotion that she didn’t dare lift her face from the pillow. She was probably smearing epic levels of snot onto her mother’s decor, but all her emotions seemed to be streaming out of her face right now.
“Whatever you want to do, we’ll support you,” he concluded.
What did she want?
“I want BUILD. I want the outdoor program. And I want Leo,” she said. “I love him.” Again. Still. She wasn’t sure she’d ever stopped.
“Does he feel the same?” her mother asked with another stroke of her hair.
She shrugged helplessly.
“Well, it won’t take much for him to start again, I would guess,” her mom said. “Don’t forget, we also saw the way he used to look atyou.”
“How did he look at me?” She pulled herself upright to whisper the question.
Her mom sighed. “Like he couldn’t believe his luck. When you came downstairs in that prom dress your senior year…” She shook her head with a soft laugh. “The way his whole body surged toward you. No wonder we worried we’d end up extremely young grandparents.”
“It’s the same way he looked at you the night of the gala,” her father added gruffly.
She pressed the pillow to her chest, where joy was tangling with sorrow. Her dad handed her another tissue, and she mopped her face and swiped at her nose.
“It’s impossible.” She crushed the soggy Kleenex in her fist. “I can’t lose my funding, but it’s not fair of me to ask him to quit. Making it work at Digham is really important to him.” She glanced at her dad. “I think he thinks a corporate job will make you like him.”
“All he has to do is love my daughter and treat her with respect,” he said, eyes glistening. “The rest isn’t important as long as you’re happy.”
So whatwasimportant? Continuing to rebuild her relationship with her parents was becoming a priority. And she wanted Leo in her life too, but she also wanted BUILD, and Dig Greener. Something had to give.
Then she remembered what she’d told Brandon last night when he dropped her off: she still hadherself. She’d created BUILD out of nothing. She’d set aside her completely rational fear of children to tutor them in junior high gyms that smelled like moldy cottage cheese, and she’d turned up at countless school board meetings to advocate for whatever tiny line items they could spare in their annual budgets. She’d celebrated when she’d hired people to work directly with students, freeing her up for curricular design and administrative tasks. She didn’t want to do it all from scratch again, but she would. If she lost the funding but she got to keep Leo, it’d be survivable. She could go back to working out of her car while she built BUILD back up again.
Then she remembered her other responsibilities. Elaine and Jonah and William, along with the BUILD part-timers. If she returned the money, they’d be jobless until she could figure something out.
She was back to square one. “This is about more than just me and him. I can’t return the grant without letting down everyone on my payroll.”
Her father cleared his throat. “You know, we do still have the money we set aside for your trust fund.”
Her whole body jolted, a knee-jerk reaction to twelve years of independence, and she opened her mouth to turn him down. But Leo’s job was on the line. So was hers and all her employees. And her father was offering a solution.
She exhaled hard and let go of the last shreds of her stubborn pride. “I’d like to try to fix this on my own. But if I can’t, I’d be so grateful if I could use that money to keep BUILD running for a little longer.”
Another look passed between her parents before her father spoke again. “What if Fox Industries set up its own foundation and made BUILD the first recipient? I don’t know what your annual budget looks like, but between your trust and a Fox grant, it might at least cover payroll while you fundraise elsewhere.”
She wasn’t going to cry again. She didn’t have enough moisture left in her body for more tears. Yet her cheeks were wet again.
“That would be incredible.” She dashed away the tears so she could see her father’s hopeful face more clearly. “And if I do manage to save Leo’s jobandmy grant, I’d love it if you’d put that trust money into the Fox foundation for some other organization that needs it.”
Her mom’s face lit up. “And if your young man ends up without a job, we could use someone with experience to get things up and running.”
