SIX DAYS BEFORE DEPARTURE
Gabe: When are you sending the itinerary?
Darby: What itinerary?
Gabe: Does your family not have a Christmas itinerary?
Darby: Um, no.
Darby: Wait, does yours?
Darby: Oh my God, this explains so much about you.
Gabe: Forget I asked.
Darby: No way. I’m going to make an itinerary just to put “Darby introduces new boyfriend to family” on it.
Gabe: Is that before or after “Darby tells her family that Gabe is the world’s greatest lover?”
Darby: After, obviously.
Gabe: Okay. I’ll pencil it in for next week.
FOUR BEFORE DEPARTURE
Darby: So, ummmmm, it looks like we’ll be sharing a room after all. My brother’s work schedule changed, so he’ll be in town for Christmas. He’ll want to sleep in his bedroom. I’m so, so sorry.
Gabe: It’s cool. We’ll look more like a couple that way anyway.
Gabe: Wait, unless you snore. Do you snore? Because I didn’t sign on for that.
Darby: Too late now.
ONE DAY BEFORE DEPARTURE
Gabe: How do you feel about showing up in my shitty landscaping truck?
Darby: I would absolutely love that.
Gabe: It has no muffler and gets about six miles to the gallon.
Darby: You had me at shitty truck.
Darby: So I was thinking that maybe part of bad boyfriending could be that you’re a tickler. You tickle everybody.
Gabe: Absolutely not.
Darby: Ugh, fine.
Gabe: But you’re required to sit on my lap anytime we’re in the same room.
Darby: Ugh, fine.
Darby: Is it weird that I’m kind of looking forward to this?
Darby: Oh God, I scared you off.
Darby: This is why all the guys I date run away from me, isn’t it? I come on too strong.
