“Next time,ask.” His jaw barely moved, and each word pierced her like a knife.
“What do you mean? You were great!”
“I was terrified.”
She fell silent, processing his words, his clenched fists, his stiff shoulders. “And now you’re mad.”
“I’m fuckingfurious.” He yanked open his chef’s coat with a sharp tug to reveal the sweat-stained T-shirt underneath. “Do you think any part of me wanted to do that?”
“Well, n-no. Not at first,” she stammered, “but I thought you’d—”
He turned his glittering eyes on her. “Thought I’d do whatever you wanted?”
“Yes.” She answered honestly, without thinking, and hastened to add, “When it comes to marketing,yes.You said you trusted me!”
“Yes. I trusted that you knew me.”
“Idoknow you.”
He shook his head once, sharply. “Then you should know that I would nevereverwantthat.”
Of course she had.Of course.But the opportunity had been right there, and dammit, she’d been absolutely certain that he could do it. Absolutely certain that he’d be amazing if she could just get him to stand in front of the camera anddo it.Like with opening his own business and posing for website pictures and the millions of things she’d lovingly bullied him into for the good of the business.
She took a tentative step closer. If she could just touch him, he’d remember what a good partnership they had. But he twisted away, leaving her hand grasping at empty air. “I’m sorry, Erik. I just wanted—”
“What, exactly?” His voice cracked through the empty hallway.
“Success,” she managed to say. “For you to be a success.”
“Why?”
Why did he think? “Because I love you.”
“Bullshit.” The retort shot from his lips. “You want to be the person responsible for my success. You wanted that way before you knew me at all. Remember?‘Because I can’?”
“No, I…” She started to correct him, but then shedidremember. This had all begun as a way to prove that she was capable of launching a business from scratch. She’d shoved her way into Erik’s life to prove that she could do it. To prove it to herself and Valerie and her mother.
Erik must’ve seen the memory click into place, because he stepped closer and lowered his voice as a pair of station employees strolled down the hall, clutching coffee cups. “Exactly. You had something to prove. But I’m not your show pony, and I won’t let you use my business to inflate your self-worth.”
“What?That’snot why I did this.” When he leveled a disbelieving look at her, she forced herself to be honest. “Okay, maybe I like how it feels when a business takes off because of me. But lots of people get satisfaction from their jobs.Youdo.”
“Yeah, but I don’t need to prove anything. You though?” He looked pointedly at her leopard-print heels and Gucci bag. “You put on a costume every day. You’re obsessed with broadcasting success to the outside world, and today you pushed that shit on me.”
“At least I’m not too scared to go after what I want.”
His face reddened at the cheap shot, and she regretted it immediately. But he’d made her believe that he loved her, fashion sense and all. Instead, he thought she wasobsessed.
“I never said I don’t have my own shit to work through,” he said tiredly. “For fuck’s sake, I know how hard it is to let go of the past, but at least I’m trying. You? You’re spending your life chasing the wrong kind of approval, and it’s never going to make you happy.”
Did he not think she was happy?“You’re wrong. I’m happy withyou.” Her panicked heart slammed against her rib cage.
For the first time since they’d left the studio, he looked at her with the soft expression he saved only for her. But it disappeared a moment later, replaced by the unreadable aloofness she remembered from their first interactions.
“I wish youwerehappy,” he said finally. “Just like I wish you could build your sense of self from inside and not outside. But I’m not sure you can.”
He might as well have slapped her. She wrapped her arms around her waist and pitched herself forward as she processed his words. Erik was her champion, the person who believed in her. He knew the secret hurts in her heart, and now he was telling her that she was broken.
She struggled to pull enough air into her lungs to speak. “Maybe at first I wanted to help you to prove a point. But even if that’s how it started out with you and me, with your bakery, it’s different now.”
