“I’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished,” she said quietly. “But I also worry about you.”
The edges of his lips lifted. “I know. Same way I worry about you. Now,” he said, breaking their serious moment, “before I head back to the office, let’s discuss the best groveling techniques.”
Sixteen
“Oh good, you’re here.”
Tom looked up from his laptop with a glare that he quickly wiped from his face. “Dr. Chadhoury. Hi.”
The newest member of his dissertation committee entered his tiny office, which would be cramped even if it were only him occupying the space. Too bad he actually shared it with three other graduate students, like a veal.
“I didn’t think I’d find you here. Aren’t Mondays your off-campus writing days?” she asked.
He forced a polite smile. “I was anxious for a change of scenery after being cooped up.”
Lies. In actuality, he couldn’t fathom being alone with his thoughts, so he’d come straight to campus, not even stopping by his apartment to shower or change. Then he’d driven away his officemates one by one with his poisonous mood.Hello, thoughts. I’m still alone with you, I see.
“Well, good. I got your message that you couldn’t read some of my notes, so I stopped by to interpret.”
Her notes. The notes that Finn had read aloud.
Even conjuring her name in his mind shot a dart of pain into his heart. He’d come so close to capturing joy and holding it in his hands, only to see it slip away because… what, he couldn’t escape his past? Couldn’t summon the strength to fight for his future?
“Tom?”
The voice jostled him out of his reverie, and he realized he was staring into the middle distance while a senior member of the economics faculty waited for him to get his shit together.
“Sorry.” He dragged a hand down his face. “I… it’s in this stack somewhere. I think.” He pointed at the pile of five-inch binders on his desk. His mind was too jumbled to figure out where he’d stashed her draft a few hours ago.
The tall woman shrugged and adjusted her red silk sari, likely used to disorganized academics. “No worries. I’ll see if I scanned a copy before returning it to you.” Then she looked at him again. “Everything all right, Thomas? You seem distracted.”
He offered her a weak smile. “Yes. Well, no. But it will be.”
Her answering smile was full of understanding. “Good. It wouldn’t be graduate school if everything wasn’t bleak for a bit.”
She excused herself, and Tom was alone once again. He still had a mountain of papers to grade, and he really did need to figure out what the hell Dr. Chadhoury had meant to recommend in her notes. But all he could bring himself to do was glare at the industrial beige wall in front of his desk and feel sorry for himself.
Would every little thing remind him of Finn until the end of his days? Or would this current pain eventually fade? And which fate was worse, the pain or the forgetting?
He dropped his head to his desk. Maybe he ought to head home after all. He was only being productive at splashing his emotional mess all over the workplace. And then, maybe tomorrow, he’d go back to Finn’s apartment and camp out in her hallway until she was willing to—
“Tom.”
He lifted his head, then bolted upright. “Finn!”
Shock kept him from coherent speech, and she took a tentative step into the small room.
“I wasn’t sure where to find you, so I came to campus and kept asking and asking until I found your department.”
As the surprise of Finn appearing in his doorway wore off, he became aware that she didn’t look like her usual immaculate self. Her right knee poked through a large hole in her leggings, and her sweatshirt had a blotchy red stain down the front. She looked hassled and bedraggled and absolutely perfect.
He cleared his throat and did his level best to tamp down his hope. “What, no preprinted campus map? No organized list of questions?”
She looked down at herself and shook her head in bemusement. “I didn’t want to wait. Or to plan. I had to find you.” She took a deep breath. “I’m here to grovel.”
Warmth spread through him, even before she’d finished speaking, and all he wanted to do was scoop her up and never let her go. “That’s funny.” He kept his voice casual. “I was thinking about heading your way after class tomorrow to give you a chance to do exactly that.”
“You were?” Her surprised smile was the best balm in the world for his aching heart.
