And terrifying.
“Hey.” Robbie cups my face in his big hand and tips my chin up so he can see my eyes. “Ames?—”
I suck in a breath because if he says anything serious again—like wanting to be with me for real—I literally don’t know what might happen. There’s only so long I can keep reminding myself this is a rebound thing or an aberration before I fall for it like it’s real.
Green eyes meet mine, and Robbie smiles, patient and kind. He presses a quick kiss to my lips and grins. “Be honest. I totally aced lesson two, didn’t I?”
We endup on my couch like we have a thousand times before, except this time, I’m tucked right up against Robbie’s side, wearing boxers and his shirt under mysling, while he’s shirtless. The plates from our toasted peanut butter and banana sandwiches—a Robbie specialty, made with bananas pilfered from Watchfire—are stacked on the coffee table. We’re watching some animal documentary where the host keeps calling porcupines “pork-uh-pines,” and Robbie and I snicker like drunken soldiers every time. His arm’s behind me, and his fingers have rucked up my—his—shirt to track lacy patterns on my hip.
“This okay?” he asks suddenly.
I turn my head to look at him. “The part where they’re reintroducing pork-uh-pine predators to Vermont? I’m cool with it. The pork-uh-pines might not be fans.”
Robbie’s whole face creases in a grin, and his fingers grip my hip tight. “Okay, then.”
I lick my lips and force myself to look away. “No, uh. I mean. I’m fine with… whatever. I love you. I love sex. You plus sex, that’s like…”
“A gift with purchase.”
“Exactly.” I exhale in relief.
“And, just so I know, are there rules to this? Like, can I kiss you just because, or should I ask permission every time? Can I hold your hand if I want to? What happens when we’re around other people?”
Even though they sound a little silly after he’s just had his fingers in my ass, these are some damn good questions. I haven’t thought about any of this because I have suspended all thoughts until further notice, otherwise I won’t be able to enjoy the moment.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I don’t… I don’t know.”
“Okay,” Robbie says easily. “I just wanna know what you want, baby. And then I’ll tell you what I want. And we’ll discuss whatwewant.”
I’m not an anxious person, but something about thatbabysounds so… real, so… relationshippy, I start to sweat just a little.
“For example.” Robbie’s fingers drift up to trace my left biceps through the thin fabric. “I’d like to be able to touch you when it’s just us. Is that cool with you?”
“Y-yeah. That’s…” I clear my throat to keep my heart from fluttering like a stupid, drunken butterfly right out of my chest. “Cool.”
His hand finds the hem of my sleeve and pushes it up, exposing the tattoo True designed, and he hums a little. He shifts and flops down across my lap on his right side, trying to get a better view.
I huff out a laugh. “Dude, the tatt’s old news. You were there when it was done. You see almost the same one daily in the mirror?—”
“Almost,” he says. “But I like looking at yours.”
His position means his own tattoo’s right in front of me, so it feels rude not to admire it the way Robbie’s admiring mine. Across his meaty arm, the summit of Elspeth Peak surges up through a cascade of fiery meteor trails that arc across the sky.
It’s pretty, but I like mine better. On mine, the view is panned down to show the mountain rising out of the ground, solid and strong, undisturbed by the comings and goings of the wispy celestial bodies above.
“You remember the night you came up with the idea for these?” he asks.
“God, I was so drunk,” I say automatically.
Robbie’s whole body shakes with laughter. “Sure you were, Amesie. So drunk you harassed True for weeks to do the line drawings, even though he kept telling you to fuckoff because he’s not a tattoo artist. So drunk, you drove to that place in Hampton Beach, for ourscheduled appointments, stone-cold sober?—”
“Shut up,” I say, horrified to find myself blushing. “You remember it your way, I’ll remember it mine.”
“It was a good idea,” he assures me. “I mean, obviously, I thought so since I agreed.”
I snort. “Please. You’ll agree to literally anything, Robert.”
“Not true.”
