I hurry to answer the door before whoever it is can wake him, expecting to find one or more Axfords, since Vivian’s already texted that she’s bringing dinner later.
Instead, it’s Lissa.
And I realize it’s time to start taking action.
“Robbie!” She launches herself at me, wrapping both arms around my neck. “I missed you! I know it was only, like, a day and a half, but I had so much fun in New York, and I can’t wait to tell you?—”
“Shhh.” I step outside and shut the front door behind me. “Sorry, Ames is asleep. Don’t wanna wake him.”
“Ames?” Her smile falters. “He’s staying here?”
I nod. “He needed someone to take care of him?—”
“And his twenty-seven siblings, his parents, his friends, and his boyfriend couldn’t?”
“And I wanted to be the one to do it,” I finish firmly.
She blinks like she didn’t expect me to admit it.
“Lissa, can we sit?” I gesture to the swing hanging on the right side of the porch.
She sits, but her posture’s rigid. She forces a little laugh. “What’s going on? This seems serious.”
I sit too, and even though I take up half the swing, I make sure to leave space between us. With Anna’s words in mind, I dive right in. “I meant what I said the other day. I don’t think we should get married.”
Lissa frowns. “Robbie, don’t be silly?—”
“I’m not. Liss. I really care about you. But you deserve someone who’s truly in love with you. And… I’m realizing that’s not me.”
“Yes, it is,” she insists. “Look, if this is about the celibacy challenge, maybe we—” She moves closer to me on the swing and puts her hand on my thigh.
I stand quickly. My brain has already shifted to the point where any touch but Ames’s feels foreign. “No. That’s not what this is about.”
“Then whatisit?” she demands, arms spread. Then sheinhales sharply and straightens. “This is about Ames, isn’t it? Ames got injured, and now you’re feeling all these big emotions.”
I don’t answer, which I guess is answer enough.
“Oh my god.” She lets out a laugh. “Look, I know you love him, honey. I’ve… I’ve made peace with that, mostly, even if I get a little jealous sometimes. But I know your relationship with him isn’t like ours?—”
“It’s not,” I agree. “And this isn’t about Ames. Or not entirely. Yes, him getting injured put… a lot of things in perspective for me. But the truth is, I’ve been thinking about our relationship for a while.” I lean back against the porch railing with my arms braced beside me. “You said you were tired of me not treating you like a priority. And you’re right. I haven’t been.”
“But you can change. We can get counseling?—”
I shake my head. “You know, a couple weeks ago, my therapist asked what your vision for our future was, and what mine was, and how we communicated our differences. I told her we were great at compromising?—”
“We are,” Lissa says. “Aren’t we?”
“Maybe too good.” I smile. “How much can you compromise about your future before it stops beingyours?”
“That doesn’t make any sense. We want the same things. A house, kids?—”
I shake my head. “I wantthishouse. And I don’t want a country club membership. I don’t want to feel guilty for doing my job. And you deserve someone who’s not going to run out on you during dinner.” I let out a breath. “You deserve more than I can give you. That’s the bottom line.”
“But… we were perfectly happy, Robbie.”
“It’s not happiness when you’re ignoring all the things making you unhappy, Liss. I’m sorry. Genuinely. I wish I’d realized… well, a lot of things… sooner.”
She sniffs. “You know, Joshua said this might happen. He said you and I were too different, and I told him that was a good thing.”
