I shift position so I can see his face. His head’s tilted back at an awkward angle, mouth gaping open. The stubborn set of his chin’s relaxed.
I press my lips together so I don’t laugh.
I sit there for a minute longer, letting my eyes linger over the hinge of his jaw, and I realize, with a little heart-skip, that I want to kiss the exact spot. I want to know what his stubble feels like against my lips.
Warmth spreads through me instantly, but instead of moving away and finding a distraction, I let myself stay there another minute. And then another. Just breathing in and out. Settling into my attraction for him the way the house settles around us.
I want Ames.
It’s undeniable, and I have no interest in denying it anymore. Whatever it means, whatever it brings, it’s real.
I reach out a finger and trace that place I want to kiss.Ames doesn’t stir, but the little pinch between his eyebrows smooths out.
I move Ames’s hand from my head and press a kiss to his palm before moving away and letting him rest.
I’m in the kitchen,taking stock of my fridge, when there’s a knock at the back door. When I open it, Anna’s standing there in her pink scrubs, carrying a covered dish.
“Frozen lasagna,” she says, handing it over as I step aside to let her in. “I make ’em in batches, so I stopped home and grabbed one out of the freezer for you. How’s the patient?”
“Asleep.” I nod at the arched doorway that leads to the living room, and when she tiptoes around the corner, she smiles.
“Exactly what he needs,” she whispers approvingly. “And I bet he wouldn’t’ve let himself relax anywhere else.” She studies me. “How about you?”
“I’m not the injured one.” Without asking, I get down a mug and grab a coffee pod from the drawer under the machine. Anna mainlines coffee and has since nursing school.
“No, but you had a hell of a scare the other night.” She takes off her jacket and settles into her usual chair at my kitchen table with a sigh.
“It was rough,” I admit. I hand over her coffee—black, because she’s hardcore like that—and lean back against the counter.
She takes a sip, her eyes still on me. “You wanna talk about it?”
Do I? I’ve been wishing for someone to talk to, and Anna’s safe. She’s been through her own share of shit, and she’d never judge.
“I thought he was dead,” I say, jumping right in. “When I pulled him out of that building. For a few seconds, I didn’t think he was breathing, and… everything just stopped. All I could think was that I’d never get to tell him… that we’d never get to…” I rub the back of my neck, feeling my face heat. “Kiss.”
“Oh!” Anna sits up straight, her tiredness forgotten. “Oh, shit.” Her eyes go wide. “Robbie… really?”
I nod. “I want him, Anna. I want to be with him.” The words rush out, leaving behind a buzz of adrenaline. I run my hand over my mouth and realize I’m smiling. “Holy shit, I just said that out loud.”
Her face breaks into a huge grin. “Kaylee willdie. I think she’s been shipping you two for years.”
“Yeah? Well, I wish she’d clued me in somehow. Took me almost thirty years, a fiancée, and a near-tragedy to realize it, myself.”
“Because you’re loyal and stubborn, and glaciers move faster than you do.” She pats my arm. “But the good news is, once you’re locked in, you’re locked in. So what’s the plan?”
“The plan.” I roll my eyes. “Right now, the plan is to get Ames well. That’s as far as I’ve gotten. Beyond that…” I shrug.
“Well, if it helps, I’ve sometimes wondered if Ames had feelings for you. Though, I know, I know,not every gay man is in love with his straight best friend,” she quotes in a decent impression of Ames’s cranky voice.
“Ha.” I scrub a hand through my hair. “Actually, uh… the other night, when Ames was in the ER, he was on some pain meds that were making him kinda sleepy and out of it. And he told his mom, ‘It’s always been Rob for me.’” Saying the words makes my face go hot.
“Oh mygod,” Anna squeals. She keeps her voice low, but her eyes are shiny like she’s picturing wedding bells.
I shake my head once. “I mean, no. It’s not… He was asleep, Anna. And medicated. Who knows if he was talking about how he actually feels, or something he felt once upon a time back in the day and got over, or if he made it all up? He’s been dating someone, you know? And I… I’m engaged, at least for now. I probably shouldn’t even be thinking about any of this.”
I drum my fingers on the tabletop.
Anna lays her hand over mine, stopping my frantic tapping. Her hand is cool and dry. “Are you in love with Lissa?” she asks gently. The tone of her voice suggests she already knows the answer.
