“Good.” His eyes have trouble focusing and close on a slow blink as he murmurs, “M’sorry.”
“Nah, Amesie. It’s okay. Nothing to worry about. You can sleep now.”
“Yeah.” He sighs again. “You’re the best thing… in my life… y’know, Rob?”
My chest constricts, but I laugh and squeeze his hand. “Yeah? Well, back atcha.”
“Love hearing you happy.” His voice is slurred with sleep.
I grin, though he’s not looking at me. I know Ames loves me. Would probably murder for me. Would definitely help me hide a body. But I’m still enjoying the fuck out of him being all sappy and poetic.
“You’re my whole heart,” Ames says, eyes still closed. He licks his lips. “Alllways.”
I let out another choked laugh, but Vivian, who’s just bustled through the curtain, sucks in a breath like Ames said something shocking.
I don’t get what I missed.
“Ames, honey.” Vivian steps to the other side of the bed and smooths a hand over his cheek. “I’m here. Sleep now.”
“Mom.” Ames smiles a little but doesn’t open his eyes. “Good. Take… take care o’Rob for me, yeah?”
Vivian darts a glance at me. “Of course. You know I love Robbie.”
“Not likeIlove’m,” Ames mumbles. His face melts into a smile that’s almost sad. “Wish it could be Auden. Wanted it to be. But… s’always been Rob for me.”
The world stops for a second, and my heart jolts hard in my chest.
Is he saying…?
No. Ames is out of it. More than half-asleep, thanks to the pain and the pain meds. He doesn’t know what he’s saying any more than he did a few years ago at Hugh’s birthday party, when he got vodka-drunk and told me he was Gordon Ramsay’s “spiritual love child.”
But Vivian’s not acting like it’s gibberish. She’s touching Ames’s face urgently, like she’s not sure whethershe wants to wake him up or for him to finally nod off. “Hush, Ames. Hush now, honey.”
“Ames,” I say hoarsely. “Do you?—?”
His eyes flutter open, and I’m treated to another glimpse of blue. “Don’ leave me,” he orders, staring directly at me.
As if I would. As if I could.
“I won’t,” I say roughly. “You won’t be alone for a minute. Promise.”
“Good.” His eyes drift closed. “Don’t tell anyone, m’kay, Mom? Robbie can’ever know.”
When his mouth goes slack with sleep, I manage to look away and let out a shuddering breath. Then I turn to Ames’s mother.
“Vivian.” I clear my throat. “What he said just now…”
“Babbled, you mean.” Vivian laughs lightly as she fusses with his blankets. But she won’t meet my eyes, and that feels like an answer in and of itself.
She takes a deep breath and comes around to my side of the bed. “He’ll probably be out for a while now, sweetie, so why don’t you go get those hands looked at? Then you can come back. We’ll take shifts, I think.” She manages a smile. “Boy, he’s gonna be abearwhen he wakes up, isn’t he? But at least he will wake up.” She lifts on her tiptoes and kisses my cheek. “Thanks to you.”
I nod numbly and walk out of the little alcove feeling like the ground beneath me’s shifted, realigning things in a completely unexpected way.
Leaving me wrong-footed and unsure. Lost.
The same but absolutely—incredibly—different.
CHAPTER NINE
