I hold his hand tighter. “Let’s go.”
“Chief.” The medic puts a hand on my shoulder, and Irealize I know her, but for the life of me, I can’t remember her name. “Robbie. I promise, we’re going to take good care of him, but right now, you need to get looked at?—”
“I’m uninjured. And I’m riding along,” I announce.
Her eyes meet mine, and whatever she sees there has her blowing out a breath and relenting. “Come on, then.”
They load Ames and his board onto a gurney and then into the ambulance. I hoist myself up after him. Before the doors close, I look for James and find him beside Tanker 2.
“I got this,” I see him mouth, and I realize that somewhere, I’ve lost my helmet, my oxygen, my radio, one of my gloves. I hadn’t noticed.
As we pull away, sirens wailing, I sit beside Ames and hold his hand. I watch the medics cut off his coat, start an IV, monitor his chest as it rises and falls, and I realize for the first time in weeks, I’m not confused at all.
I wanted clarity earlier? Well, here it fucking is.
Ames isn’t just part of my future. He’s the center.He’s everything.
He’s the first thing I think about when I wake up because I want to know what he’s doing, and the last person I think of at night because I want to be sure he’s okay. He’s the person I want to tell every stupid joke to and share every brilliant idea with. The one I want to cry on, when I need to cry. The person whose opinion matters more to me than anyone else’s. The one whose love is like oxygen to me.
Dr. Colburn said to ask myself what I want, what I need, what I can live with, what I can’t live without? He’s the answer.
All the other demands and obligations, all my other priorities and responsibilities, fade into background noise.I could lose all of them and still be okay, as long as I have him.
Ames is the one person I can’t lose.
St. Margaret’s Hospital is about thirty minutes outside of Winsome, and I know we make it there faster, though it feels like we’re crawling. Once we get there, they wheel Ames straight back, and I try to go too, but a nurse stops me with a hand on my chest.
“I’m not leaving—” I warn.
The nurse is kind, but I don’t know her, and she’s made of sterner stuff than the paramedic I’ve worked with for years. “Great. Don’t leave. But you’re gonna let the doctors work, Chief. We’ll update you when we can.”
I might’ve argued still, but they’re already wheeling Ames away through automatic doors, and I can’t follow.
I’m still standing and staring at those doors sometime later when a hand touches my arm, and I turn to find a small woman with long, blonde hair wearing pink scrubs.
“Anna,” I manage, enveloping my ex-sister-in-law in a hug. “It’s Ames. He…”
“I know, sweetie.” She squeezes me back, but when she pulls away, I see her eyes are shining with worry. “They’re taking good care of him. Now, let’s take care of you so you can be there for him after, okay?”
She leads me by the hand through a maze of corridors, and I follow blindly. Finally, we end up in a pastel-painted waiting room, and I glance around.
I realize I must’ve been standing in that hallway a long fucking time because everyone’s already here. Vivian and Grant—Ames’s parents—are sitting close together, hands linked. Beckett—the oldest sibling—stands by the far wall, hair wild and arms wrapped tight around Griffin, who’spressed to his side. True’s sitting in front of them, silent and contained. Holden’s slumped over near his parents, elbows on his knees, and when he glances up to nod at me, I see misplaced guilt in his eyes.
Across from Grant and Vivian, Auden sits by himself, chewing on his lip. He looks nervous and out of place, but he’s there anyway, and even though I’m all upside down right now, I can’t help but respect that.
It hits me with a pang that I might’ve realized whatIwant… but I haven’t taken into account what Ames wants.
And the idea that Ames might prefer to have Auden here… well, it makes me feel like flinging myself right back into the fire.
Vivian spots me first. She jumps up from her seat and throws herself against me, enveloping me in the scent of lavender and honey. “Oh, honey. Are you okay?”
“Me? I’m fine. I’m—” My voice cracks. “I’m so sorry, Vivian. I should’ve gotten to him sooner. I should’ve kept him from going into the building in the first place?—”
She pulls back and leans up, cupping my face in two small hands. “Hush now. No one could take better care of my boy than you do.No one.” Her eyes are wet. “And he’s okay! He is. Eliza knows almost all the ER staff. She told us a few minutes ago that he’s stable. Right, Anna?”
“Absolutely,” Anna confirms. “He’s in the best hands, Rob. Promise.”
“Thank you.” My voice cracks a little. “For checking on me, Anna. I?—”
