Robbie’s kisses turn to an easy chuckle. “And there he is. Morning, Amesie.”
“Heyyy,” I say casually. “Hi.” I clear my throat. “Thanks for letting me sleep over last night. I appreciate it.”
I don’t hear his sigh so much as feel it ghosting over my chest.
“You’re welcome,” he says.
I clear my throat. “I’m working today. You are too, right? So…”
I move to get out of bed, though my collarbone protests.
Robbie grabs my wrist and stops me. “M’kay. Before we do… whatever we’re doing right now… can you just let me know if you’re okay? Your collarbone? Your ass? Was I too rough?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. There’s true concern in every word and…ugh. I am surrounded by a family and a town that loves me, but no one in the world loves me better than this man.
I just wish I could believe he loved me the way I need him to.
“I’m okay,” I manage to say. “I’m a little stiff, but a hot shower will help. And my ass is…” I clear my throat. I refuse to sayit aches exactly the way I like it. “It’s totally fine.”
“Okay.” Robbie releases my wrist. “Good.”
I make it to the bathroom and let myself stand under the spray for a long time. I tell myself I’m not avoiding an awkward morning-after—I refuse to be awkward with Robbie, for fuck’s sake—I’m just loosening up my stiff muscles. But nevertheless, by the time I’m showered and dressed in my jeans and one of Robbie’s T-shirts, he’s already showered, dressed, and sitting on a stool in the warm, sunny kitchen, drinking coffee.
“So.” I give him a teasing smile. “You arekillingthese lessons, huh? A very advanced student.”
Robbie glances up from his coffee, and his green eyes flash with something like disappointment before he forces a smile.
“Glad to hear it,” he says mildly.
Pain and panic wash through me.You’re hurting him, Ames. You’re hurting him right now.
That’s the last thing I want. But what the fuck am I supposed to do here?
“I’m sorry,” I manage. “I, uh. I know that was your first time having anal with a man. Was it… did you… How are you feeling about it?”
“Well.” Robbie takes a sip of coffee, then sets the mug down. “It was the best sex of my life.” His eyes meet mine. “The best. Bar none.”
My mouth goes dry. “Oh. Uh. Okay. That’s… good.”
“I can already see the hamster wheel turning in your brain, baby.” He chuckles softly. “So, yes, maybe it’s because it was a new thing. But I doubt that. I’ve had a lot of sex before. I’ve tried a lot of new things.”
I lick my lips. Have I mentioned how annoying it is to be so well-known? It’s really fucking annoying. It’s also annoying to hear him refer to all the sex he’s had with anyone not me.
“And sure, maybe it’s because guys are just so hot. And the experience is different when you feel like you can be a little rougher.” He shrugs. “But mostly, it’s because I was having sex withyou, and I’m wildly, passionately, I-don’t-know-how-the-fuck-I-didn’t-see-it-before in love with you.”
I swallow hard. “You say that, Robbie, but?—”
“Fuck.” He blows out a breath. “I really thought we’d gotten past this last night.”
“Past what?” My voice is high and defensive. “Past the fact that it’s still only been two weeks since you broke up with your fiancée? Past the fact that the sum total of your experience of sex with men isme? The facts are the facts, Robbie. And you might be fine with just… just… yeeting yourself willy-nilly into a new relationship right away, but that’s because you havemeto be cautious for both of us, okay?”
His jaw firms. “Didn’t ask you to do that, Ames. In fact, I specifically said?—”
“I know what you said! But I love you. I loveus. And I just… I keep thinking, you didn’tknowyou were attracted to guys until you realized that you were attracted to me. So how do youknowyou’re not going to… to change your mind again and realize things are simpler with a woman? That you’ll be able to have those kids you dream of, and the picket fence life you want, a whole lot more easily? How do youknowyou wouldn’t like sex even better with the next guy you—?” I break off and clack my teeth shut.
“The next guy I… what? Date? Fuck?” Robbie tilts his head and watches me carefully. Then he nods once. “I see.”
“You see?” I repeat, instantly suspicious. “See what? What do you see?”
