I shook my head. “He’d never look at my phone unless…Ugh.” I rubbed a hand over my eyes. “Unless I asked him to shut off my alarm while I was on my Zoom call, which I did. But fuck, just because this dude wants to see me doesn’t mean I want to be seen!” I whined. “It was supposed to be Netflix Night!”
“Which you postponed,” Fern reminded me.
“SomyJohn and I could go out!”
“Did you tell your John you wanted to go out withhim?” Monica asked. “Or just that you wanted to go out?”
“I—” I deflated slightly. “I can’t remember. But what in the world would make him think I’d cancel our plans forthisrandom guy?” I brandished my phone.
Fern gave Monica a stern look. “Yeah, Monica, why would he think that?”
“Um.Well.” Monica quickly exchanged her full margarita glass for mine… which had somehow become empty in the short time I’d been sitting on the sofa. “That teeny, tiny conclusion I jumped to? It’s, ah… possible that I told your John about our conversation regardingOther-John. And I may have, um… saidyouhaddreamyeyes,” she finished in a rush.
“You what?”
“And it’s possible thatyourJohn looked a bit dejected and depressed when I suggested things seemed serious with you and Other-John. And, um… I’m kind of wondering if these texts might have confirmed that for him?” She bit her lip. “I think he was jealous.”
I leaned back in my seat and groaned. “Well, that’s ridiculous. Because even if I had been romantically interested in Other-John,myJohn is… he’s my John. No one will ever be as important to me as he is.”
Fern and Monica did their eyeball-talking schtick again.
“What?” I demanded. “Stop with the looky-looks! What am I missing?”
“Your John’s the most important person to you,” Fern reiterated. “Have you ever told him this?”
“Well, no. But I’ve also never told him the sky was blue. Some things are just… obvious.” I shrugged. “Besides, guys don’t talk to their friends that way. ‘Hey, John, could you bring me a soda while you’re up? And bee-tee-dubs, you’re my favorite person in the universe! K, thanks, bro.’”
“If anyone could get away with that, you could,” Fern muttered.
“Yeah, but I couldn’t.” My cheeks got hotter, and I sucked down more liquid. “If I did, it’d seem like I wanted more than friendship.”
“And you don’t?” Monica exchanged my empty margarita glass for Fern’s, which was still mostly full.
It was funny how Monica’s glasses held less liquid than average glasses, and I was totally gonna ask her about that at some point.
“No, I do. Of course I do.” I plucked my shirt away from my body. “Is it warm in here?”
“Wait, youadmityou have romantic feelings?” Fern demanded. “For fuck’s sake, Teagan. Monica called me over here to stage an intervention?—”
“Mischief and Margaritas,” Monica corrected.
“Well, we got the mischief part down,” Fern said pointedly. “But meanwhile you’re all ‘Oh, yeah, sure, of course I love him. Like it’s no big deal.’”
I shrugged. “It’s not new. I’ve loved him from the first minute. Or, okay, maybe the second,” I allowed. “You were there, Fern. On the phone, remember? You were the one who told me not to jump into things. That I had been wrong before. That I would ruin everything if I started putting all kinds of expectations on John…”
“Because you didn’t know him then!” Fern lifted a hand and let it fall. “Because you had literally met seconds before. Because you claimed you’d fallen for him and you hadn’t even asked hisname.”
I opened my mouth, then clacked it shut. That was true.
“I wanted you to wait a couple ofweeks.” Fern shook her head. “But nooo, you had to go to extremes and wait a whole yearanddecide to keep a secret for the first time in your life?”
“I wasn’t keeping a secret. It’s just… he became my best friend,” I said quietly. “I’m not justinlove with him in a romantic way, like I want to kiss the hell out of him and rub my face against his chest?—”
“Seriously, Teagan, I do not need to know this shit,” Fern sighed.
“I do.” Monica clasped her chin under her hands.
“—I love him. Like, I just want to be in the same room with him. And to know that he’s well and happy. But I suck at romance,” I said softly. “I’ve been on twenty-three dates this year, and all of them were crappy. I didn’t want to fuck up my friendship with John trying for more.”
