“A lot of cash,” Ed says. “Too much.”
“Paid for the honeymoon. And a bit more,” Katherine mumbles. She’s seen the different way Mom treats us, and she knows she gets the better end of the bargain. I don’t blame her for not rocking the boat.
I happen to know the honeymoon was over twenty-five thousand dollars. I also know Mom and Dad have paid at least the same toward the cost of the wedding, despite Ed saying they were going to cover it themselves. Since when did my parents have money like that sitting around? I’m certain they don’t have another twenty-five grand saved for when I get married. My mom will probably raid the local flee market and give me an old shoe or something as my wedding gift.
It’s not about the money, of course. It’s about the fact Katherine gets treated differently. Like I’m an afterthought. I wouldn’t mind if Mom had given me a pebble off the beach for my graduation, if it had been heartfelt. But the brown bowl didn’t come from her heart, and neither did the hallway mirror.
“Have you told them you’re moving?” I ask, wondering if that will shift the dynamic. My mother might give Katherine more attention, but she’s still controlling and overbearing.
“Not yet, but we got an offer accepted on a place,” Katherine says.
“That’s great,” I say. “So you’ll be moving soon?”
“Hopefully we’ll be in and settled before the holidays.”
It’s obvious, but it hits me that Katherine will spend the holidays married for the first time this year. She has obligations to Ed during those times now. Of course, Mom might still try her best to get them over to her house, but already I see the pull Mom has over Katherine has loosened.
Katherine has her own family now.
I don’t know where that leaves me. I can’t bear the thought of spending Thanksgiving back in Boston with a mother whom I know would prefer to be hosting Katherine than me.
A huge urge to clear everything out hits me. I need headspace so that positive things can grow inside me. “I gotta go,” I say. “Keep sending the pictures. Love you.” I blow a kiss to the screen, and before Katherine can say anything, I end our call. I jump to my feet, swipe my graduation present off the couch and stalk out of my living room. I take my keys and unhook the mirror from the wall again. I’d rather have a blank wall than a mirror from a dead neighbor whose name we can’t even remember. I shove my feet back into my shoes, and I head down to the sidewalk. The restaurant two doors down the street is putting out its trash for the day. I don’t think twice before I tip the bowl and the mirror into the metal trash can.
I should have done that a long time ago.
Neither of those things meant anything to my mother. And they don’t mean anything to me. Nothing good, anyway.
I get back into my apartment, grab my laptop, and hit “Reply” on the email to Sharon. What have I got to lose by saying I’d like to be considered for a scholarship? Okay, so I might not get it, but my mom’s never going to know. Katherine doesn’t even have to know. I don’t have to tell anyone.
Sharon replies immediately, saying she’s pleased I’ve made that choice and she’ll be in touch with more details.
It feels good. It feels like I made a decision based on what I want rather than what everyone else thinks about me. Okay, so maybe I’m not entirely confident about going to law school. Hell, I’m not entirely confident about sitting for the LSAT. But one thing I know for sure is that Sharon is smart. Maybe she sees something in me I don’t see in myself. I’m learning I can’t always trust what I believe about myself, but while I’m figuring that out, I can let myself trust people who see the best in me. It’s what my mom should have done my whole life,instead of comparing me with Katherine and putting me down. I can’t change her, and I can’t change the past. But I can start building a future based on who I am today, instead of the walking disaster Mom seems to want me to be.
I grab the LSAT study book and start at chapter one.
Chapter Thirty
Hunter
The decision between the Then There Were None meatball sub and the Gone with the Wind turkey sub shouldn’t be a difficult one, but I’ve gotten to the front of the line twice before heading to the back because I can’t decide between them.
It’s the first time I’ve been outside in daylight hours for ... I’ve lost track. A week? Maybe longer. I haven’t been sleeping at the office, but I’ve been working longer hours than normal. I’ve been getting home at one in the morning, and I’ve been back by five. I haven’t been taking lunch breaks or any other kinds of breaks either. I haven’t even made it to the gym.
I’m tired. Really tired. But the only thing that’s gotten me outside today is the fact that my assistant is out sick. And maybe I miss seeing daylight just a little.
“Hey,” she says. I know it’s Lucy before I turn my head. Relief washes through me like a warm rain.
“Hey,” I reply. “It’s good to see you.” We didn’t exactly leave on bad terms, but I was clear with her that my priority after the wedding was going to be work. I guess she understood it meant I wouldn’t have time for her.
“You look tired,” she says. Her eyes soften, and I want to dive into their sea-green comfort.
“I’m fine,” I say. But I’m not fine. I’m hungry. And exhausted.
“What are you having? I think I’m going for the Persuasion.”
“You usually get the Great Gatsby.”
“Right,” she says. “But things change. I’m trying new things.” She stops herself from saying more, and I can see her mind whirring. “Not all new things. Just new small things. Clearing out stuff in my apartment I don’t like. You know, that kind of thing.”
