“I see now how cruel I was. And I regret it. Alina, you’re the last person I want to be cruel to.”
She dabbed at the corners of her eyes with the back of her hand.
“There is no rationalizing it, I’m not a good man. I’m far from it. I have my demons, and I don’t fight them by playing by the rules; I fight them with sweat and blood. It’s the only way I know, the only currency in my world. I deal with facts and proof—things I can see. So when proof comes in, my first instinct is to get to the root of it. I don’t stop to think of people or feelings. It’s how I was trained.”
I continued, my voice lower. “But you make me want to pause, Alina. Until you, I never thought to take what anyone says for truth. It was all about what I could see. My feelings, emotions, everything inside of me was untouchable. You camealong, you reached in, you touched me deep inside. I started to see things, feel things. And I sure don’t know how to handle that. I find myself wrestling internally now and then. I hurt you, and I did it again. I hate myself for it, and I'm sorry.”
She sighed deeply, her chest heaving in the process. “I don’t…I don’t know what to make of all this when…” she shifted on the blanket, “I mean, I’d be lying if I said I’m not flattered by all you said. Because I am.” Chuckling, she said, “Konstantin, you said sorry. I don’t need to spend ten years with Bratva men to know that doesn’t come easy to you. Even my ex, who didn’t have much power as you, couldn’t apologize when he was wrong.”
She went on, her face devoid of humor. “But then, you say this now, and you turn against me tomorrow. I’m not going to lie, I can’t deal with you being all intentional with me today and then treating me like a fly on the wall tomorrow.”
“You can’t ever be a fly on the wall to me,” I told her. “You’ve infringed on my thoughts and feelings from the very beginning.”
“Beginning of?”
“Since Russia, baby. I just refused to acknowledge it then.”
“It wasn’t until the attack that we…you know,” she started before I cut in.
“That wasn’t when my body started yearning for you. Long before then, I’d noticed how much I loved watching your hips sway as you move, how your soft voice makes me soften inside, how your beautiful eyes sparkle when you’re angry. I've been attracted to you since way before then.”
Her pupils dilated, making me chuckle.
“But it wasn’t until recently that I started to see the extent to which you’ve affected me. You’re in my blood, Alina. And I only want you more, not away from me.”
“What am I even supposed to say?” she asked, like she was talking to herself.
“Forgive me for doubting you. I want us to go back to the way things were just yesterday. I meant it when I said I wanted to know you better.”
“I forgive you,” she disclosed.
I was in her personal space in an instant, cradling her face and kissing her lips.
For the first time, the place I’d always come to relax and clear my head felt like heaven.
**********
“All set?” I asked Sergei.
“Yes, boss.”
“We’ll be down right away.”
I put my phone back into my pocket and told Alina, who sat in the chair facing the table I was leaning on, “It’s time.”
Nodding, she stood as I moved away from the desk.
It was time for the sting operation we'd been planning for days. Just like any other sting operation, the aim was to draw the mole out of hiding. I, for one, was more than ready to end this. It had been drawn out for too long.
Somehow, knowing I hadn’t turned my back on Alina, and I had her by my side this time, made me ready to face whatever may come out of the operation.
“Sure you’re ready?” I asked her again.
“Of course,” she answered. “It’s not like I’ll be lifting free weights.”
I took her hand as we left my office.
“Free weights,” I repeated, turning to the side to give her a meaningful look. “Did you hear that in a movie?”
