I run my hand over the front of the cracked CD.Fleetwood Mac:The Dance.The memory of her singing flashes by, and I smile, remembering the way she sang along in her raspy voice. From inside the box, a faded polaroid stares up at me.
I’m five years old, grinning a gap-toothed smile and holding an ice cream cone. Missy stands behind me, sun shining through her jet black hair, arms wrapped around me like I’m the only thing she’s ever wanted to hold onto. My breath catches at the memory. A safe one. One I can let myself get lost in because we were happy. Our lives weren’t perfect, but I didn’t care as long as I had her. I believed that she loved me, and that love was all I ever needed in life.
Memories of Missy always trigger the well of emotions inside of me. Tears fall silently down my cheek as I remember her. My brain is cruel about what it’s willing to hide from me. I’d give anything to forget the way she looked in that hospital bed. The way the joy had slipped from her face as her life slowly faded.
“You’re more than just my Alma, you’re my Vida.”
Her last words as she cradled my face. Something she always said to me. One of many ways she let me know I was important to her. I clutch the photo to my chest like it’s a rosary. My mouth tastes like salt and copper, like grief and rage married and birthed something I’ll never be able to name.
How could someone who claimed to love me so much lie to me? Why did she rob me of the truth? Ilovedher. Even in her reckless behaviors, I trusted her. But loving someone shouldn’t hurt this much.
I throw the photo back in the box and slide it as far back as possible. Missy left no paper trail of her motives, just this box and a lifetime of contorted memories. But I will figure out what she was hiding, even if it means losing myself in the process.
Chapter 6
Efren
The shovel hits the dirt with a dull thud. I look up and see Esteban standing over the grave.
“I think that’s deep enough.”
I climb out and throw the shovel aside. My hands are already raw, blisters torn open, and I’m not sure what will happen now that I’ve stopped digging. I need to keep distracted, so I don’t swing this shovel at Esteban’s head and throw him in the grave. The black garbage bag stares up at me from the ground.
“Help me get her in there.” Esteban motions to the corpse.
“This is so fucked up,” I mutter beneath my breath.
“I told you it was a fucking accident.”
“An accident? Burning your food is an accident. Hitting the wrong number is an accident. Spilling your coffee, losing your keys, those are accidents. This wasn’t an accident.”
“I lost control,” he fires back. “I told you.”
“I’m not doing this with you again,” I warn.
I don’t even want to be doing this now, but he’d come into my room, frantic. I saw it as an opportunity to trap him if I ever needed to incriminate him or protect myself.
“Hey, I promise after this I’ll stop. I’m just going to focus on school, my family, and Alma.”
That’s the problem. I want him to stay as far a fucking way from her as possible.
“No. You need to break shit off with Alma,” I demand.
One thing about alpha-type assholes is that they hate being told what to do. Even while you’re helping them bury a body, they think you owe them something. He glares at me, and I glare back, the tension between us growing thicker by the minute. He wipes his hands on his jeans, then pulls out his phone.
“You know who called me tonight? Detective Salcido. He’s trying to find out who’s the mastermind selling drugs out of the high school.”
“What the fuck’s that got to do with me?”
“Nothing yet. But I could act worried about you. Especially while you’re at school, and I happen to stumble on some bags of coke, a scale, and a pile of cash. Surely it’s my duty to do the right thing and get you help.”
My pulse spikes. “Don’t fuck with me.”
He grins venomously. He knows better than anyone where to hit me right now. If I go down for a crime I didn’t commit, it gives him free reign over her.
“Fuck you.”
We spend the rest of the night filling the shallow hole with dirt. My fists tremble as I dig into the dirt and toss it into the shallow grave. Somewhere between the dirt and this innocent girl’s body lies a decision I’ve already made.
