CHAPTER 7
ALICE
Inever realized how addictive freedom is. It’s obvious that I have never been free. I’ve always been protected, my days planned for me, and my companions locked in the same gilded cage with me. I have never been allowed to make my own choices without considering my sister’s needs. Now I can, it’s unleashing a side to me I like. The crazy, erratic, wild side of a woman I never realized was inside me.
It helps that Stefan is with me because I’ve fantasized about this since I met him. He has filled every sinful thought in my mind, and I am burning up as I imagine my fantasies becoming reality.
I am free. I’m the mistress of my own destiny, and don’t even feel bad about it. Sister Agatha will be worried; my sisters won’t. We will have no contact for one year, and for all they’ll know, I’ll be safely working in New York for the mysterious family Sister Agatha arranged to guide us.
I have no guilt about not showing up. This is too important to me. Finding my mom is the driving force behind my deception because I know in my heart she is still alive, and her family will help me find her.
Stefan sits beside me in the booth, and as we make our selections, I don’t miss his leg pressed against mine and the heat building between us.
When the waiter leaves with our order, he leans closer and his breath dusts my ear as he whispers, “I want to help you, Alice. That hasn’t changed, but I have a confession to make.”
My heart is beating wildly as I sense disappointment. Is he about to tell me that he has a wife or a girlfriend waiting for him, and he can’t go any further than the city? I suppose I never thought this through because of course he’ll leave me there. He has a job, a life, and taking off with me probably isn’t an option, and I prepare myself for bad news to that effect.
“There is no need to confess anything to me, Stefan. Only God has that right.”
Did I really just say that? I sound like the pious nun I almost became. I say ‘almost’ because it was always doubtful I would ever take my final vows.
His slow smile burns through my soul and I hold my breath as he whispers, “I’ve always liked you, Alice, and not just as a friend.”
I swallow hard, words deserting me when I really need them. I’m not equipped to deal with an answer because what is the question? What is his meaning and I almost jump out of my skin when his hand closes around mine and he stares into my eyes.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to reciprocate, but I wanted you to know. I doubt I can disguise my feelings and wanted to be up front about that.”
I’m saved by the waiter who delivers our food, and I take advantage of the distraction and down the glass of water in one huge gulp. This is so intense. I am ill-equipped to deal with this, and yet a shiver of excitement passes through me as I dwell on his words.
He likes me.
He feels the same and I never fully realized the power of that.
It’s as if I’m not on my own in a hostile environment.
He likes me.
Happiness surrounds me as I adjust to the information. A man—hell, a gorgeous man like Stefan, really likes me. The inexperienced novice nun, soon to be free spirit and mistress of her own destiny.
Stefan smiles, and it’s as if he has taken a torch to my heart and lit a trail through my entire body.
He points out of the window as he refills my glass with water. “Look out there, Alice.”
As I gaze through the window, all I see are people rushing about their business and the traffic snarling up the road. I see normality, I suppose, and Stefan confirms that with a soft. “You are one of them now. Free to enjoy life at your will, not God’s.”
My inner voice screeches.
Yes, remember him. The one you dedicated your life to, you hypocrite. You should be ashamed of your lustful thoughts. God will never forgive you for this.
I close the box my inner voice lives in and turn the key. I have no requirement for any interference in my mission and yet this—Stefan, the welcome distraction I never really saw coming.
“It’s amazing.”
My eyes shine as I turn back to him. “I always knew it would be good, but I never figured how alive I would be. It’s as if I’m seeing life for the first time and realizing its power.”
I almost jump out of my seat as he gazes into my eyes and reaches up and strokes the side of my face with a gentle touch.
“You are so pretty, Alice. You were wasted in that convent, and I truly believe it’s God’s will that you are here with me now.”
