How did he tell his sister that he was grieving the loss of their mom, even though she was still with them?
"Just checking on her," he finally said.
"She looks less flushed now than she did earlier." She paused for a moment before adding, "And peaceful."
Gabe nodded. Mom did look peaceful, but he knew there would come a time when she wouldn't be able to rest unless she was on heavy pain meds.
"What are you two whispering about?" Mom's voice rasped as she lifted her head.
"We're just checking on you." Gabe crouched by her bed. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired, as usual." She tried to clear her gravelly voice. "And thirsty."
She propped up on her elbow and reached for the almost empty glass of water on her bedside table that sat beside her untouched toast and cold tea.
Gabe grabbed it before she could. "Here, let me get you some fresh water." He hurried to the master bath. His gaze wandered over the counter as he filled the glass, spotting multiple prescription bottles. He picked one up, recognizing the common NSAID prescribed for pain. Cold water spilled over his hand as he grabbed the next bottle.
He shut off the water and dried his hand before picking up the second bottle again. It was one of the medicines meant to slow the growth of the cancer. He pulled his phone from his pocket to look up side effects for the drug. Nausea, dizziness, stomach pain, shortness of breath, chest pain, dry mouth, mouth sores, plus a host of others.
Gabe’s stomach plummeted. The medicine meant to buy Mom a little more time was making her sicker.
He picked up the glass of water and carried it and the pill bottle to the bedroom. He waited for his mother, who now sat up to take a lengthy drink, before he crouched by the bed again and held out the bottle. "Have you been taking these pills, Mom?"
Confusion filled her face. "Yes, along with the other ones Dr. Sumner prescribed."
"Grace said you experienced some chest pains and shortness of breath yesterday."
"Yes, most of the day."
"Have you developed sores in your mouth?"
She sighed and nodded. "Crunchy and spicy foods have become almost impossible to eat."
Dread twisted in Gabe's gut.
"You didn't tell me you had sores in your mouth." Grace's voice was accusatory.
Gabe wanted to tell her to cool it, but the look he shot her was apologetic instead. He sucked in a deep, steadying breath. "Mom, I think you should stop taking these pills."
"What?" Grace's outburst didn't surprise him. "She can't stop. They're supposed to slow the growth of the cancer and give her more time." Her voice broke on the last word.
"I know, Gracie, but they're making her miserable."
"What do you mean?"
He handed her his phone with the list of side effects. "And that's just this medicine. I haven't looked up the other one yet."
Her frown deepened as she skimmed over the words on the screen. Tears filled her eyes. "But if she doesn't take them…"
Gabe didn't bother to finish her sentence. He didn't need to. They all knew what would happen if mom stopped taking the medicines.
Mom beckoned for Grace to come closer. When she dropped to her knees beside Gabe, Mom took each of their hands. Her gaze jumped back and forth between them. "I would do anything for the two of you. I hope you know that." When they both nodded, she went on. "I don't like the way these medicines make me feel, but if you need that time, I’ll take them for you. I don't need more time to know how blessed I've been to be your mother and to remember the wonderful times we've had together, but if you need that time, I'll take them as long as you want me to."
Gabe swallowed several times to force the lump of emotion from his throat. Grace sniffled and wiped at the tears streaming down her cheeks.
Gabe found his voice first, gravelly as it was. "We're not ready to say goodbye yet, Mom. Let me talk to Dr. Sumner to see if there are other options with lesser side effects." He swallowed hard again. "But for now, I think you should stop taking these." He shook the pill bottle.
Mom looked to Grace for agreement. It was several long moments before his sister nodded.
