Gabe had been insistent about opening her door, so she waited for him to let her out when they arrived back at this apartment. She walked straight to her own car, then stopped before opening the door.
I can't leave things like this.
It would drive her crazy all week wondering where they stood. The irony that the tables had turned from this morning was not lost on her.
She turned to find him standing closer than she expected. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, of course not. Why would you think that?" He moved back a step. The dim streetlight cast shadows over his face, and she struggled to read his expression.
She propped a hand on her hip. "You acted like you didn't want anything to do with me all evening."
"That's not true."
"Then why did it feel like you avoided me?"
"I'm sorry." Gabe let out a sigh and studied the ground. "I'm trying not to make this harder on both of us."
"How does you rejecting me in afakerelationship make this…" She motioned in a circle with her hand. "…easier?" Anger sharpened her words.
"I didn't reject you."
"Didn't you?" Both hands were on her hips now as she cocked a brow. "One minute you're kissing me in front of your mom and sister, and the next, you're pulling away. I've had enough duplicity and rejection to last me a lifetime. I don't need you playing games with me too." She turned to open her car door, but Gabe put a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm not trying to play games with you, Paige. The last thing I want is to hurt you." He withdrew his hand and raked it through his hair. "You were right when you said this relationship may be fake, but it's still a relationship. Fake or not, it's possible to develop real feelings."
Paige's heart stuttered. Was Gabe saying what she thought he was?
"The closer we get in this fake relationship, the more likely I am to disappoint you when I don't measure up to your expectations." His expression was as grim as his tone.
"What expectations?" She frowned in confusion. "You've already played your role where Phillip is concerned."
"That's not what I meant." He let out a sigh of frustration. "Pretending in front of my mom lets us—I mean me—actas if we're in a real relationship." His voice grew husky as he continued. "Every touch, every kiss, makes me fall a little more for you, Paige. But it’s wrong of me to lead you on like that."
Paige didn't know it was possible to feel a rush of warmth and cold chills at the same time. Shouldn't it be impossible to feel excited and giddy when her chest was so tight she could hardly breathe?
"So, what are you saying?" She folded her arms. "Are you ready to tell your mom the truth or…" She didn't want to voice the other option, but she needed to know the answer. "Or do you want to stage a break-up?"
"No, neither of those," he said quickly. "I just don't want you to get your hopes up, because I'll end up letting you down when I can't give you the kind of time and attention you deserve."
Too late.
Her hopes were already up, and by distancing himself, hewasletting her down. Paige schooled her features, trying to hide how much his words hurt.
"Because you need to focus on your mother." She understood what he was saying, and she hated it. But that made her feel selfish and insensitive, considering what he was going through.
His only response was a nod.
He was afraid he'd neglect her like he did Harper. Who knows, maybe he would, but Paige was coming to realize she cared for himtoo much to walk away. Even though it might break her heart to have to wait for who knows how long for him to come around, she could never set her sight elsewhere.
She didn’t understand why God had led her here—to Gabe—but she felt strongly that she was supposed to be with him. She couldn't tell him that though. It wasn't fair to put that kind of pressure on him when he was dealing with so much.
"Thanks for being honest with me." She opened her car door. "I guess we'll just ignore the chemistry in our fake relationship, like we are in our…non-relationship." Forcing an air of casualness into her voice, she climbed into her car. "Easy peasy." She shot one last look his way before closing the door. "Good night, Gabe."
CHAPTER 20
Gabe was surprised to find Grace alone on the church pew the next morning. He was late, but only by a few minutes. He ended up oversleeping after tossing and turning most of the night, trying to get the hurt on Paige's face out of his mind.
She'd pretended him telling her not to get her hopes up didn't hurt, but he’d seen the pain and disappointment in her eyes. He hated himself for hurting her, but it was best to do it now than wait until she'd fallen in love with him, like he had her.
