"Gah." Grace wiped the tears from her cheeks with shaky hands as a harsh sob erupted from her chest. Even just typing the words dredged up all the pain and anguish of that difficult year. How was she supposed to look Damon in the eye and not be ashamed of what she'd done?
She'd thought listing out the stupid things she'd done as bucket list items would make them seem less horrible, but it didn't.
Lily must have sensed her sadness, because she hopped onto the couch, gave Grace puppy kisses, then curled up in her lap, forcing her to set her laptop aside. She'd only had Lily for a week, and already she couldn't imagine life without her. She only cried every other day now when she thought about her mom, instead of multiple times a day.
Grace loved on Lily for a minute then looked back at her computer. What would Damon think when he read her email? Would he be shocked that she'd made such poor choices? Think she got what she deserved? Disgusted that she'd given her baby up for adoption?
"Not every man is Alan."Grace heard her mother's words again.
But what if Damonwaslike Alan?
She said she'd understand if he didn't want anything to do with her, but she wouldn't. Yes, she'd made some stupid mistakes, but she didn't deserve to continue to be punished for them. She'd done that to herself for a long time.
After years of therapy, she'd finally forgiven herself.
Haven't I?
"I can't." She hit the backspace button and held it until all the words disappeared from her screen. "I can't tell him. I can’t risk losing him right now.”
Not when her heart was still so raw from losing her mom. It had only been two weeks. His thoughtful gestures were the only thing that kept her going—although those had slowed down too. She wasn't ready to let him go.
She may have forgiven herself, but she still feared rejection. And if Damonwasdifferent than Alan, the last thing he needed was to be distracted from his dangerous job by her baggage.
Opening the tab of one of the textbooks she should be studying, she stared at the screen for a long moment before shutting her laptop. Moving Lily off her lap, she bolted to her feet then picked up her phone and texted Jake.
Grace:Can I take Honey out for a ride today?
Jake:Sure, but you'll want to bundle up. It's cold out.
Grace looked out the window at the gloomy November day. It hadn't rained yet today, but it looked like it could at any moment.
Tomorrow was Thanksgiving. Normally, she and her mom would be cooking up a storm, but not this year. Both the Knights and the Youngs had insisted she join them for Thanksgiving. They even planned to eat at different times, so she could attend both.
She appreciated the invitations, but she wasn't sure how she was supposed to eat two Thanksgiving dinners. She offered to bring something to each but was told by both Hope and Charity that wasn't necessary.
They'd never sounded more like sisters than when they each said, "Just bring yourself."
Although Charity did ask her to help make pies a few days ago for the Thanksgiving dinner she and Faith organized for the senior care center yesterday. Getting involved in community events was a nice distraction, but she still had too much time to think about how much she missed her mom.
She turned away from the window. "What do you think, Lily? Do you want to go see some horses?"
CHAPTER 21
"Oh, Grace, I'm so glad you answered." Damon let out a sigh of relief.
"Why are you calling again?" Grace rushed on. "I mean I'm glad you did, but isn't it like four in the morning there?"
"It's almost five. I know I talked to you during your lunch break, but I just wanted to let you know that I got orders late last night. They're shipping my unit and one other out on special assignment. I could be gone for as long as two, maybe even three weeks.”
It was actually multiple assignments depending on how the first two went.
"Three weeks!" Grace's eyes widened, and her jaw dropped. "Will you be able to call and text?"
"It's doubtful."
"Is this mission...dangerous?"
Damon couldn't meet her eyes. Instead, he looked around the barracks at his buddies who were still packing their bags. King, Durrant, and McDonald had already left.
