He’d hoped coming home would help with the nightmares and flashbacks, but they’d been worse than ever. With how dark and heavy everything felt right now, he’d be working with Emily for years.
After his appointment with Emily, he had PT with Gabe.
Paige's husband had mostly given him the silent treatment after welcoming him home. Damon figured the only reason Gabe hadn't given him a black eye for breaking Grace’s heart was because he pitied him for losing part of his leg.
Paige had certainly given him an earful over the phone after Christmas when she heard the news from his family. Damon had listened to her rant, but he refused to change his mind.
"Grace passed her first course with flying colors." Paige’s tone was casual, but the way she watched his face felt calculated.
Damon's gaze met Paige's. It was almost as if she could tell Grace was on his mind. How could it not be? She came to the house yesterday, walking right in after knocking, acting as comfortable here as at her own home.
When he asked her what she was doing here? She said she was here to see his mom.
Mom stepped out of the kitchen at that moment and motioned for Grace to follow her into her sewing room, where they closed the door and talked and laughed for the next two hours.
He'd been planning to take a nap, but with Grace's musical laughter making his heart repeatedly skip a beat, he opted for a fast-paced action movie instead, even though he was tired of watching TV.
"Good." He kept his tone neutral.
"Except for working and taking Lily for a walk each day, she spends all of her time studying."
Damon didn't comment. He couldn't. He hated the idea of Grace hurting, but he didn't have a defense other than she’d be better off with someone else.
"She's hurting too, you know." Paige's voice grew gentle. "She loves you, Damon, and you're hurting both of you by pushing her away."
Damon bolted upright, grabbed his crutches, and pushed to a standing position. His movements were so hasty he nearly toppled over. "I'm not having this conversation again."
"Again?" Paige was on her feet now too. "The last time we'talked'about this..." Paige made air quotes. "You hardly talked. You just kept insisting she deserves a whole man."
"She does. That hasn't changed."
"Just because you're missing part of your leg, doesn't mean you aren't whole." She shook her head. "When are you going to see that you’re the only one who's bothered by your leg? It doesn't matter to the rest of us."
Was that true? Did it really not matter to Grace that part of him was missing?
He gave an angry shake of his head. “It’s not just my leg, Paige.”
“I know it’s...a sensitive subject, but if you’re talking about your...uh unplanned vasectomy...it’s not the end of the world. Your doctor said you may still have options.”
"You know about that?" Damon jerked around to face Paige. "Did my mom tell the whole town?"
Did Grace know?
Of course she does.
"No, but I think the family knows the full extent of your injuries." Paige must have seen his jaw clench, because she went on in defense of his mom. "You almost died, Damon. We were so worried about you. We all prayed so hard for you."
When Dr. Campbell first gave him the news, it felt like the end of the world, especially on top of his other injuries. But Dr. C. was quite encouraging when he suggested Damon follow up with a fertility specialist.
He planned to but after doing his own rudimentary research, Damon was certain that—thanks to the nature of his vasectomy—it wasn’t likely that it could be reversed. That didn’t mean he couldn’t still become a father, but considering the severity of his PTSD, scheduling an appointment with a fertility doctor was the least of his concerns.
What’s the point of becoming a father, if I’m too messed up to be a good one.
But if he took too long to get his head on straight, he might lose any chance he had of winning Grace back.
“You’re in charge here, Damon.”Emily relaxed back in her chair and crossed her legs. “What would you like to talk about?”
They’d exchanged a few pleasantries and discussed the weather, then Emily’s office went eerily quiet after she asked him how he was doing.
