Or I'm just too impatient. And angry.
She hadn't seen Collin Ainsworth for over six weeks, yet he still affected her, controlling her life. She faced Daniel again when her breathing finally settled down. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen."
"It's not your fault." He took her hand. "You need to give yourself a little more time. It might be best if we don't kiss anymore for a while."
"No!" She clung to his hand and stepped close to him again. "I love you. I want to kiss you. I want you to hold me in your arms." Her voice rose with each sentence. The panic attack had subsided, but the angerhadn't yet. "I love kissing you, so I don't know why my brain does this to me."
He released her hand and swiped back a lock of hair that the breeze had blown across her face. His calloused fingers were so soft and gentle against her cheek, it brought tears to her eyes. She didn't need to fear Daniel. She knew that, so why did her mind try to convince her otherwise every time they kissed.
"Our emotions are processed in the same part of the brain as our memories,” he said. “When emotions run high, the amygdala can go a little haywire, especially where trauma is involved."
Riley knew that. Well, she recalled learning something about that in one of her classes in nursing school. She was surprised Daniel knew that information though.
"Did Emily teach you that?"
He nodded as he traced his finger along her jaw. "Don't worry, Pockets, I'm not going anywhere. We have all the time in the world." Then he wrapped his arm around her and held her close. But not tight.
Riley appreciated his tenderness, but she wished he didn't need to coddle her.
They stood there for several long minutes looking out across the lake, and gradually her ping ponging emotions settled down, and she relished the feeling of being held by the man she loved. This was what love was all about: being there for the one you loved in the ways they needed. No matter what.
It's what she'd vowed to do for Daniel if he struggled, so she needed to graciously accept that he was willing to do the same for her.
She looked up at him and smiled. "Are we really going to give this a try?"
"No, Pockets, we're not trying." He cupped her cheek and locked eyes with her. "We're doing this. You and me. Forever."
"Deal."
He leaned in for another kiss that was sweet, gentle, and way too brief.
She put a hand on his chest. "Promise me if you're ever struggling,for any reason, that you will tell me, so I can do my best to help you. I don't want us keeping secrets from each other."
"I promise."
Riley stirred,becoming aware of the stiffness in her neck. Pushing her elbow into the couch beneath her, she lifted her head from Daniel's chest. She blinked to focus her eyes in the muted golden light that filled the main room of the cabin.
"Good, you're awake." Daniel stroked her arm, raising goosebumps across her skin. "I was afraid you were going to miss this amazing sunset."
She shifted enough to look out the floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the lake but not so much that she had to leave the comfort of Daniel's embrace.
Golden rays of sun arced through scattered clouds making the horizon look like a glowing pot of gold with puffy pink blobs of cotton candy. The reflection of the sunset across the lake only made the scene more spectacular.
"It's beautiful!" She ran her hand across Daniel's chest, feeling the definition of the muscles beneath his shirt. She looked forward to an opportunity to examine his eagle tattoo more carefully. "How long have I been asleep?"
"I'm not sure, because I'm pretty sure I fell asleep before you did. I didn't even make it to the part where the Spaniard keeps asking Westley to climb the cliff faster."
"I remember that part, but I don't remember the fire swamp."
Riley couldn't think of a better way to spend the afternoon than in Daniel's arms watchingThe Princess Bride, unless it was sleeping in his arms while said movie played in the background.
They'd spent an hour sitting on the dock this afternoon, kissing and talking then kissing some more, before going on a short hike. They would have hiked longer if Daniel's pain and exhaustion hadn't been so apparent on his face.
When they returned to the cabin, Riley found him some ibuprofen and a bag of frozen peas that had been in the freezer for who knows how long and tried to convince him to lay down and rest. He agreed, but only if she cuddled with him. She couldn't argue with that, since he needed the rest.
"How long have you been awake?"
"Long enough to know I’m not dreaming." His arm tightened around her. "I’m convinced I’ve died and gone to heaven.”
