And there was that sinking feeling in his stomach again, deeper, and heavier this time. He hated to think of what happened to Riley to make her act like this.
"You're right, I don't." He let out a heavy sigh. "But I do know you're only as sick as your secrets."
She glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
It was a term he'd heard many times in AA meetings, and he'd never really understood it until now.
He looked her in the eye. "It's the things you keep hidden that hurt you the most." The words hit too close to home, and he rubbed at his jaw to fight the tension they triggered in him. "As long as you keep denying you have a problem, it will keep doing its damage."
Daniel paused at his own words.
Was that why he still struggled so much with his own addiction? Because he'd tried to keep it hidden from everyone? Sure, he'd been sober for seven months, but every day had been a constant battle. It was also the reason he drove to Pasco to attend meetings. He didn't want the locals—the people he went to church with—to know he had a problem.
While he and Riley had been laughing together in the gym, he'd considered skipping tonight's AA meeting and inviting her to go for a ride. He figured it would be a worthwhile use of his time, especially if it meant they could work on their relationship so they didn't keep experiencing conflicts like this.
But now, Daniel knew he needed to attend his regular Friday night meeting. And for the first time, he would speak up and share his story. He was done keeping secrets.
Riley stopped shortthe next morning outside the kitchen door when she heard Jake say her name.
"Daniel, I want you to continue to partner with Riley. I don't want these new ranch hands anywhere near her."
"Are you sure you want me working with her? I mean, it doesn't matter what I do or say, I somehow manage to set her off every time I turn around."
"You let me know if working with her becomes a problem for you." Jake's voice was low and serious. "I know she's being difficult, but just do the best you can."
Difficult?
Riley's mouth dropped open. How dare Jake talk about her like that?
She was about to push open the door and give him a piece of her mind when he spoke again. "Zane, I'm serious about keeping these new ranch hands as far away from Riley as possible. She's too fragile right now."
Fragile?
Heat filled Riley's chest. Sure, her emotions had been all over the place since she came home, but fragile? She hated being called weak. It made her feel powerless and vulnerable. She put her hand on the door, but once again his words stopped her.
"They've both got records."
Daniel made a snorting sound. "Like I don't?"
Riley's head shot up. She must have heard wrong because she would have known if he'd been arrested. Wouldn't she?
What was it he said last night?
You're only as sick as your secrets.
What kind of secrets was Daniel keeping? Did they have something to do with his life being derailed and the nightmares he had?
It was Zane's voice that came through the door next. "Yes, you've made mistakes, son. We all have. But you've done your penance. Now you need to let it go and move on."
Penance?
"Move on?" Sarcasm filled Daniel's voice. "How do I do that when I can't leave the ranch?"
What did Daniel mean? He left the ranch all the time. In fact, he left again last night and didn't come home until late.
"Give it time," Lottie said. "You'll be strong enough someday."
Another snort.
