"That's not what your actions say." His voice was still hard.
"I know. I'm sorry, I overreacted yesterday. I never should have shouted at you and...and...done what I did to you. I just..."
She stopped talking, unsure of how to finish her sentence. She couldn't bring herself to tell him what she was going through.
"Just what?"
"I—I'm dealing with...some stuff, okay?"
He scoffed. "You're dealing with some stuff? Blowing up at everyone who tries to talk to you and assaulting me? You call that dealing with it?"
She spun away so Daniel wouldn't see the tears that flooded her eyes. She'd been treating everybody, especially Daniel, horribly. Sheknew that, but she couldn't seem to stop. She felt so defenseless, so powerless. So, she did the only thing she could do; she lashed out at everyone.
Daniel let out a heavy sigh that sounded like it was full of regret. Gravel crunched under his boots as he stepped closer, and she braced herself, expecting him to touch her.
But he didn’t.
She turned and looked at him.
He stood, hands on his hips, staring at the sky, lips moving as though silently praying. Even after his lips stopped moving, he continued to stare at the heavens as though searching for words of wisdom in the stars. When he finally lowered his head, it was to stare at his boots.
"It's obvious you're dealing with...some serious stuff. I'm sorry for whatever happened to you to make you so... jumpy and defensive and angry." He shifted his gaze to the dark pasture now. "But we're all dealing with stuff, Ri." He rubbed his hand over his jaw again and swallowed hard. "When you turn us into your punching bag, you make our...garbage harder to deal with."
A lump filled Riley's throat, and a heaviness settled over her like an oppressive, weighted blanket. The kind that made her too hot and claustrophobic. "I'm sorry, Daniel." Her words were little more than a whisper. "And I'm so sorry for the way I lashed out at you yesterday. You didn't deserve that."
She really wanted to know what "garbage" Daniel was dealing with, but she was afraid to ask because then he would want to know her "garbage." She couldn't help but wonder if his had something to do with the reason he worked here on the ranch instead of at an architectural firm in some big city.
"Sometimes..." Daniel's words were stilted. "Sometimes it...helps to talk about your... 'stuff' with someone."
She hugged her arms tighter around herself and shook her head. "I can't."
Would she ever be able to talk about it without crying hysterically like she did with the police or nearly hyperventilating like she didwhen she told Dr. Nelson what happened to her?
"Not yet."
"Well, when you're ready, Emily is a great listener. And she's smart. She knows her stuff."
Daniel was the second person to tell her that today, but it didn't make the thought of telling Emily what she went through any easier.
They both stood there—only a few feet apart—staring silently into the darkness.
A mournful moo filled the quiet night.
They turned toward the sound.
"That heifer Jake said to keep an eye on must be ready to deliver." Riley grabbed the flashlight from the trailer and walked over to the corner nearest to the laboring cow. She shined the light on the back end to check the cow's progress.
The tips of two little white hooves poked out.
"Do you think she needs help?" Riley asked.
"I don't know. Let's wait a minute and see."
Riley shifted the light to the cow's stomach. She could tell when the next contraction started by the way the muscles squeezed inward. The cow let out a low huff then seemed to stop breathing for the duration of the contraction.
Riley shifted the light to the back end again. More of the hooves showed now.
She propped her arms on the wooden fence and watched, waiting for one of the most miraculous experiences of her life to unfold. Daniel bent and leaned his arms on the fence too. His elbow brushed hers, and surprisingly, she didn't feel the need to pull away.
