If they had been, Parker might still be alive.
"We?"
Rudy set down the jar and plunged both hands into his hair. They trembled just like the rest of his body did on the inside. He blew out a deep breath. "Two weeks before starting our freshman year of college, my buddy Parker and I went camping. I talked my dad into letting us take our new Polaris RZR along, so we could ride the trails."
Eden shifted, leaning toward him a little. Her somber brown eyes—filled with tenderness and compassion—compelled him to keep talking.
"I wasn't supposed to let anyone else drive, but Parker kept begging, so I gave in." Now he tugged at his hair. "He drove too fast for the kind of terrain we were on. I kept telling him to slow down, but he was on some kind of adrenaline rush or something and wouldn't listen." Rudy shook his head, again and again, as if doing so could erase the memories.
Eden's hand rested on his arm, and he stared at the swirly emerald design on her nails as he continued to talk. Now that he'd started talking, he couldn't seem to stop.
"He hit a big rock and rolled the side by side." He pressed his fingertips to his forehead and choked back the boulder lodged in his throat. "H-he ended up impaled by a dead tree branch."
Eden gasped, then her arm encircled his shoulders, and she pressed her cheek to his scar. "I'm so sorry. That must have been horrific."
"It was, and it was all my fault."
Eden lifted her head. "Rudy, no—"
"The whole camping trip wasmyidea." He practically shouted now. "Iconvinced my dad to let us take the Polaris.Ishould never have let him drive.I knewhe didn't have any experience driving in that kind of terrain."
She rubbed his arm. "But you couldn't have known what would happen."
"Maybe not, but I promised my dad when he agreed to let me take the side-by-side that I wouldn't let anyone else drive. I broke that promise and it...it cost Parker's life."
"You can't carry all the responsibility. You told him to slow down."
"I did. Again, and again. And I insisted he buckle up and wear his helmet. But it wasn't enough." He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying to combat the pressure there. "I couldn't face Chase's family for months after the accident."
"Chase?" Eden lifted her head.
"Parker was Chase's older brother." He forced the words out of a tight throat.
"That must have been very difficult for his parents to have a second son involved in such a serious accident." Eden repeatedly stroked his back, consoling him like a mother would a child. But he wasn't a child, he was a grown man who had made mistakes. Ones he'd pay for for the rest of his life.
More than once, he'd had to remind Scott that the accident that took his girlfriend years ago was just that, and it wasn't Scott's fault. His family had repeatedly told him the same thing, and Parker's family didn't blame Rudy, but he couldn't stop blaming himself.
Forcing the images of that horrible day from his head, he focused on Eden's touch. The warmth Eden generated against his skin made him feel like anything other than a child. He was all too aware of her body pressed against his. He never knew sitting in a kiddie pool surrounded by tomato juice could feel so sensual and romantic.
Rudy used his hand to scoop up juice and dump it over his legs. "Parker had his whole life planned out. He knew exactly what he needed to do to reach his goals. His five-year plan included getting a criminal justice degree then the police academy. The ten-year plan was to save up for a house and get married."
"Isn't that what you did?" Eden asked.
"Yeah, but I floundered for a while after he... Before I decided to follow the path that Parker had laid out."
"You mean you weren't always planning on going to the police academy?"
"No, I was going to go into computers. Programming or something."
She leaned away from him to look at his face, and he missed the contact immediately. "You became a law enforcement officer because it was what Parker wanted to do?"
Rudy lowered his gaze. "He had better goals than I did. I just wanted to play video games all day."
"You probably could have made more money working with computers."
It was his turn to study her face.
Is money the only thing that matters to her?
