"You're right." He grabbed her hand. "I judged you on a past experience with a former girlfriend and that was wrong."
This was the first time Rudy had mentioned a former girlfriend, and even though Eden was curious what happened between them, she didn't want to think about him with another woman right now.
"I also heard you say that I was fun to hang out with, but you weren't sure you should set your heart on more than a good time with me."
He grimaced. "That sounds a lot worse than what I meant, believe me. I was having a hard time being vulnerable in front of Scott. Lame, I know." He tugged at the collar of his t-shirt. "The truth is I already have my heart set on so much more with you, Eden." His voice dropped as he said her name, and a little shudder of warmth rippled through her.
"You do?" Eden's heart pounded against her ribcage. "But you said you weren't planning on getting married for another three years." Emotion clogged Eden's throat. "I don't want to wait that long, Rudy."
"Me either."
"What about your plan?"
Releasing her hand, he shifted on the sofa, facing forward with his elbows propped on his knees. He stared at his clasped hands. "I used to be that guy who flew by the seat of his pants, always looking for the next adventure. I never took life seriously. I was smart, so I aced school with minimal effort. But when...Parker died, I floundered for over a year. I kept asking God why Parker. He had it all together. He had a plan. He knew what he wanted to do with his life. He was going to help so many people." He popped his knuckles one by one now. "It should have been me."
"Rudy, no." She scooted closer and put an arm around his shoulders. "It shouldn't have been you, and you need to stop blaming yourself."
"No matter how many times people told me that, I couldn't." He shook his head and stared across the room. "Then one day, my dad told me if I didn't make good use of the second chance I was given, then two lives were lost in that accident. And I don't know what it was, but something hit me. I decided I needed to live the life Parker didn't get to." Rudy flexed his fingers. "Setting goals and following his plan was the only thing that gave my life direction for years. I eventually came to believe that I needed to stick to that plan to succeed. It has served me well, and I'm happy with where I'm at in my life." He gave her a rueful smile. "Well, I was until you moved to Providence."
"You're saying you're willing to deviate from your plan for me?"
Rudy took her hand. "I'm saying I choose you, Eden. Over my plan. Over my job, if necessary."
"Your job?"
"I'm willing to leave Providence, if need be, so we can be together."
Eden's chest expanded with a rush of emotions as tears pricked the back of her eyes. "But I don't want you to leave Providence.Idon't want to leave Providence."
So why did I tell Rudy I wasn't sure if I'd be coming back to Providence when he asked?
"But you want a career that may not be an option in Providence."
"I know. I feel torn because I want this." She motioned back and forth between them. "But I also want something more. After all this time, I should understand what that is..." She lowered her gaze. "But I don't."
Rudy rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. "Can we figure it out together?"
"I'd like that." She pressed a hand to his chest as he leaned in for the kiss she desperately wanted. "There's something I need to tell you first. This morning I got a job offer from one of the home decor stores that I applied with a few weeks ago." She held up her hand. "I'm not sure I want to accept it, but I've been floundering for far too long now. I need to do something with my life."
Rudy acknowledged her words with barely a nod. "I applied for two jobs in Spokane myself last night. I'm not sure I want either of them, but I'm willing to move, if you decide you want to stay here."
"Seriously? Why would you do that?"
Eden had always had to fight to be able to make her own choices, and now, having Rudy offer this kind of support made her tear up again.
"I wanted you to know I'm committed to doing whatever it takes to make this work. It's silly to put so much stock in the words of a wannabe fortune teller, but I've thought a lot about Esmeralda's words, and I've decided I want to start living my own life and following my dreams. I'm still deciding what those dreams are, but I know they center around you."
"I'm happy for you. I wish I understood what dreams I'm supposed to follow." She lifted a hand to his cheek where her palm rasped against the stubble on his jaw, ramping up her attraction and the desire to have his lips on hers. "Other than you, of course. You're definitely in my dreams."
"I'm leaving it in God's hands," Rudy said.
"That's what I need to do. Although I've doubted God so much lately that I'm not sure He will guide me in this decision."
"He will, don't worry." Rudy caressed her cheek, slowly dragging a finger along her jaw. "Can I kiss you now?"
"Are you sure we dare?" Eden joked, even though she was still half serious.
"I have a plan to make sure nothing bad happens," he whispered as he leaned in.
