Robert balled his fist around the letter opener and squeezed as he told Ben about hearing Jessie’s morning sickness firsthand, twice. First, at the cabin and at the ranch a few days ago. Then he told him about Jessie’s reaction to the soup. “She put her hand on her lower abdomen just like both Amy and Emily do when they are trying not to lose their lunch.”
“Thankfully, Amy’s better now that she’s into her second trimester. But I agree, it sounds like Jessie’s pregnant, but you should wait for her to confirm it before you get all bent out of shape.”
“I’m not bent out of shape,” growled Robert.
Ben quirked an eyebrow again. “Right.” He took another bite of his sandwich and took his time chewing. “So, let’s say Jessieispregnant. How does that make you feel?”
Robert snorted. “You’ve been hanging out with Emily too much.”
Ben’s gaze didn’t waver from Robert’s face. He expected an answer. A truthful one.
Robert pressed the point of the letter opener into the tip of his index finger. The uncomfortable sensation distracted him from the ache in his chest. “I don’t know, man. How am I supposed to feel? It’s not like I have any claim on her.”
“Then why does her being pregnant bother you so much?”
Robert gave a barely audible grunt. “I’m worried about her, I guess. I’m afraid she’s going to decide to go back to that...jerk, just because she’s carrying his child.”
“I’m worried aboutyou.” Ben’s words were quiet.
Just like Jake had recognized, Robert wasn’t acting like himself; Ben saw, too, how erratic his behavior was. But everyone’s concern for him couldn’t change things. It couldn’t make Jessie stay in Providence. Couldn’t make Pendleton disappear. Couldn’t restore the five years Robert and Jessie had lost.
After a lengthy silence, Ben spoke again. “I know I’m not alone when I say I’d hoped things might work out for you and Jessie this time.”
Robert lifted his head and looked at his cousin. “Some days, I hope that might be the case, then other days...”
“Other days, what?”
“Other days, I tell myself to stay as far away from her as I can. I can’t go through that heartbreak all over.”
“You don’t think after everything she’s been through, she’ll be willing to stick around Providence?”
“Why should she? Providence wasn’t good enough for her back then. I wasn’t good enough.” Robert’s throat constricted at the admission, because nothing had changed. He still couldn’t bear to leave this small town he loved. He cleared his throat before speaking again. “Why should this time around be any different? Once she’s free of Pendleton and feels safe, she’ll pick up and leave again.”
“You don’t think she regretted leaving Providence?”
“Not until her husband started abusing her.” Robert ran the letter opener along the crease of his uniform pants. He couldn’t hide the sarcasm in his voice when he added, “She finally finds the courage to leave him only after she’s carrying his child.”
Abandoning his food, Ben propped his elbows on the armrests of his chair and steepled his fingers in front of him. “What bothers you more, the fact she might leave again, or that she’s carrying another man’s child?”
Robert scowled.
“Or is it the fact that you have no control over any of this, Sheriff?”
“All the above.” Robert’s voice fell flat.
“Want to know what I think?” Ben’s gaze bore into Robert’s.
“No, but I have the feeling I’m about to find out.” Needing a distraction, Robert pressed the tip of the letter opener against the flesh of his middle finger.
“You came to me, remember? I think knowing Jessie is pregnant—and fearing she will leave again—is eating at you, because you still care about her. More than you want to admit even to yourself.”
A flash of anger filled Robert. Ben was right. As much as he didn’t want to care about Jessie, Robert had never stopped loving her.
“Easy, man.” Ben said, eying the letter opener Robert pressed against his finger. “I don’t have a Band-Aid.”
Robert looked at his finger, mesmerized by the paleness of the flesh surrounding the tip of the letter opener. How much more pressure would it take to break the skin? How much more pain could his heart take before it shattered?
Tossing the opener onto Ben’s desk, he scoffed. “I’m sure plenty of paper cuts happen around here. Surely there’s a Band-Aid somewhere.”
