“Ooh. I hoped that was the case. You were out there for a long time.” Emily’s words came out slightly breathless, and Jessie couldn’t help the satisfied smile that crossed her face.
“I think we crossed a major bridge, but it doesn’t matter.”
“What do you mean?”
“Robert might someday forgive me for leaving him, but it changes nothing. He’s still not going to want a future with me.”
Jessie had taken five strides before she realized Emily had stopped walking. She turned around to face Emily but couldn’t make eye contact.
“What’s with all the negative talk today?” Emily planted her hands on her hips. “You still haven’t written your positive affirmations and what you want your life to look like, have you?”
Jessie couldn’t tell if Emily was speaking as a counselor or as a friend. It had been so easy to talk to Emily when they walked, because she treated Jessie like an equal and acted genuinely concerned about Jessie and her problems.
Jessie folded her arms across her chest. “Not yet.”
She’d planned on doing that and setting some life goals first thing this morning in her new journal, but those plans had gone south in a hurry. Now she had no desire to do anything. All she wanted to do was curl up in her bed and cry for all the opportunities she’d lost once again.
Emily stepped closer to Jessie. “What’s holding you back? Is it fear of failing?”
It had been exactly that, initially. But then she couldn’t bring herself to write anything positive in that book that was so full of darkness. Now? Now, she feared failing on a whole new level. The thought of being a single mother who had no way to support herself and her child scared her to death.
“Or are you afraid that no matter what goals you set for yourself, and how positive you may see yourself, that others—namely Robert—won’t see you in the same light?”
“Something like that, I guess.” Jessie rolled a rock with the toe of her shoe. In a few months, people were going to see her in a whole new light, and the pity glances she’d received the one time she’d bothered going out in public would be even more pitiful. Some might even judge her for leaving her husband when she was pregnant.
“People’s opinions only matter if you let them, Jessie.” Emily spoke as though she could read Jessie’s mind.
“I know, but I have way too much baggage to put it all behind me. And I can’t expect Robert, or anyone else, to overlook it.”
Emily started walking again at a much slower pace, and Jessie fell into step beside her. “Last summer, I felt much the same way, but Ben reminded me that Jake’s shoulders were plenty large and strong enough to help me carry my burdens.” She grinned at Jessie. “I think Robert’s shoulders are almost as broad as Jake’s.” Emily grinned and winked.
“Look, Emily, I don’t mean to sound insensitive, because I’m really sorry about your dad and brother and the awful things that happened to you last year. But my baggage is not the kind of burden someone else can carry.”Believe me, I would if I could.“And it’s not a burden that will go away or get smaller with time.” She placed a hand on her abdomen.
“How far along are you?” came Emily’s quiet voice.
Jessie stopped walking again. She wanted to deny it. Didn’t want anyone to know she was pregnant, because she could hardly admit to herself that she was going to be a mother. A single mother.
Emily stopped and turned sympathetic eyes on Jessie.
Jessie wanted to ask her how she knew, but then realized vomiting can be heard through closed doors. And this morning was the second time she’d done it since she’d been here.
“How far along are you?” Jessie countered.
Emily smiled, her cheeks creasing with twin dimples. “Just finished my first trimester.”
Jessie wished she were as happy and excited about becoming a mother as Emily. If she was in love with the father of her child, she might feel differently. Instead, she carried the child of a man who’d made her life miserable for four years.
“So, how far along are you?”
Jessie couldn’t help the tears that sprung to her eyes. “I don’t know. I only just realized this morning that’s what’s been making me so nauseous the past couple weeks.”
Emily put an arm around Jessie. “So, you didn’t know you were expecting when you left Patrick?”
Jessie shook her head. “No, and now I’m kind of freaking out. Will it make it harder for me to get a divorce? Will Patrick get visitation rights? What if he tries to take my baby away from me altogether?”
Too keyed up to stand still, Jessie started walking again, and Emily joined her.
“How can I let my child see their father, knowing he might hurt them? And how can I face Patrick every other weekend—whenever it’s his turn—without the fear that he’ll hurt me or my child?”
