She felt far from calm, but she wouldn’t tell Robert that. If she sat down to drink a cup of tea, Robert would sit nearby, watching her. And he would see right through her facade. Besides, the thought of putting something in her stomach right now made it churn.
She stepped toward the bedroom where she’d been sleeping. “I’ll pack my bags.”
Robert reached out a hand as though he meant to stop her, but then he dropped it. “Okay, I’ll pack up your art supplies.”
Jessie stopped before closing the door of the bedroom between her and Robert. “Where are you taking me?”
“Home.”
A strange sensation rushed through her, stealing her breath, at that single word—a mixture of nostalgia and hope, followed by fear. “Not to my mother’s?” She didn’t want to put her mom in more danger than she already had.
“No. To the Double Diamond,” Robert said as he pulled his phone from his pocket.
A light-heartedness filled her. The Double Diamond had been her second home. There was nowhere else she’d rather go. The thought of being close to Robert every day was both exciting and painful. She couldn’t bear to be around him that much, knowing he would never want her again. Not like he once had.
Robert turned away, phone to his ear. “Jake, I need a favor.”
* * *
They madethe ride to the ranch mostly in silence. The hope Jessie had felt at the mention of the Double Diamond dissipated when she recalled Robert mentioning—during one of their walks—that he’d moved into town and Jake now ran the ranch.
Robert was pawning her off on Jake.
He broke the silence a few miles before they reached the Double Diamond. “I wish I could tell you you’re free to come and go whenever you want, but we need to be cautious until we know if Pendleton will make bail or not.”
Jessie stared out her window into the darkness. “I understand.”
“Your mother is welcome to visit whenever she wants, and I’ll come out as often as I can to check on you.”
As much as Jessie loved the Double Diamond, she wasn’t that eager to return to her home away from home. If she thought the cabin was uncomfortable because it was so full of memories, the ranch would be ten times worse.
“Jake’s married now. I think I mentioned that the other day.” Robert scratched his jaw, the stubble there creating an abrasive sound that made Jessie want to reach out and stroke his cheek. “His wife, Emily, is really nice. She’s uh...a doctor...of psychology.”
Robert left the words hanging there like they meant something to her. They didn’t. And as Jessie thought about Robert’s family, the unsettled feeling in her stomach expanded. She didn’t want to face those people who loved Robert the most. The ones who knew how badly she’d hurt him.
When she didn’t respond, Robert cleared his throat. “Emily can help you, Jess. If you’ll let her.”
So that’s why he mentioned his sister-in-law was a psychologist. He thought Jessie needed help. Professional help. Mental health. She couldn’t help but take offense. She opened her mouth to tell him to mind his own business then closed it, the words still on the tip of her tongue.
She had no desire to talk to anyone, especially not a psychologist. She remembered the counselor her mother had insisted she and her sister see after their father left. She had helped Jessie regain some self-esteem and not feel like a failure as a daughter. But that kind of counseling couldn’t restore all that she’d lost to Patrick.
Who am I kidding? I do need help.
Because no matter how hard Jessie tried, she doubted she’d ever be able to overcome the fear that enshrouded her like a heavy cloak. Fear of Patrick. Fear that she’d never be good enough. Fear that she’d never again find the kind of happiness she’d once had with Robert.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jessie murmured. “By the way, thanks for saving me tonight. What made you come to the cabin when it wasn’t your night?”
Robert gave her a brief glance before turning off the highway under the iron gate sporting the Double Diamond name and brand. Jessie pressed a hand to her chest as the sprawling ranch house that always took her breath away came into view. Though it didn’t look nearly as impressive in the dark—with only a few windows lit—as it usually did.
Robert didn’t speak until he’d brought his truck to a stop in front of the house. “Do you remember that time you rode out on Honey alone and got thrown off when a rattlesnake spooked her?”
Jessie remembered the spiritual lesson eighteen-year-old Robert taught her that night. Although her mom took her and Chelsea to church after their dad left, Jessie had difficulty believing God—her Heavenly Father—could love her when her own earthly father hadn’t.
That evening, as she rode back to the ranch house with Robert on his horse Goliath, he’d explained to her how he’d felt prompted to come find her. He’d helped her realize God looked out for her because he loved her. She’d felt the truthfulness of his words that night and had tried hard to maintain that relationship with deity.
But she hadn’t felt that love from God for a very long time. She figured it was punishment for the choices she’d made, since she’d distanced herself from Him. Not by choice. It was just one of the many things Patrick had taken from her. But she’d stopped crying to God, even in her heart.
She whispered a heartfelt, “Thank you,” meant for both Robert and the father who felt so far away.
