“I know it’s hard to believe, but it will get easier. It will take time. Maybe a long time, but someday...” Ben looked out toward the pasture for a moment before his gaze returned to hers. “Someday, you’ll find happiness. It will be different from the happiness you experienced in the past, but you will be happy again.”
Ben’s words sounded like something Emily would say to her patients but being on the receiving end of those words felt different.
Could she really be happy again?
It had taken years for the pain of her mother’s death to subside, and now, losing both her father and her brother so close together, Emily wasn’t sure she would ever be able to fill the void their absence had left in her life.
As usual, when this pain filled her, she longed for Jake to hold her. Comfort her. Tell her everything would be okay.
Jake.
It always came back to Jake. She had no other outlet for her grief. Following Ben’s gaze to the pasture where horses grazed, she recognized the longing in his eyes. Did he long for a brisk ride to help chase away the loss that still haunted him? She had no doubt he loved Amy, but Emily knew you could never let go of someone you’d loved and lost. What she wouldn’t give to climb on a horse and attempt to outrun her demons. For a little while at least.
“You look like you could use a ride.” She kept her voice quiet, but Ben startled at her words.
He gave her a half smile. “I could. You know, I love Amy, and my life is fuller than I ever thought possible, but sometimes...” He twisted his wedding band. “Sometimes, I need to let go and remember and mourn a little more.”
Will I ever reach a point where my life is full of happiness? Where I only need to mourn a little more?
* * *
Jake spottedEmily on the lounge chair with her head back and eyes closed. He slowed his steps. Was she sleeping? Had she had nightmares again last night? She’d looked well rested at breakfast. But he knew Emily kept much of her inner turmoil hidden.
The fact Ben had borrowed some of Jake’s clothes and boots and headed out for a ride after talking with Emily, told him Emily probably experienced the same unrest he’d seen in Ben’s eyes.
He stepped up onto the patio, studying her face. She possessed a natural beauty and gracefulness he hadn’t seen often. Her dark auburn hair framed an almost flawless face. The bruises were fading, leaving long dark eyelashes resting on smooth, rosy cheeks. Her full red lips, that tasted as good as they looked, turned up in a slight smile.
“If you keep staring at me like that, you’ll creep me out.”
Jake startled. She’d opened her eyes while he’d been studying her lips. The tips of his ears grew warm. “Just admiring the scenery. It’s beautiful.” He pulled the other lounge chair closer to her and perched on the edge.
Emily rolled her eyes and smiled, flashing her dimples, and his heart stumbled. She ignored his comment. “Did Ben send you?”
Jake shrugged. Ben hadn’t said Emily needed him—he hadn’t needed to. Jake couldn’t seem to stay away.
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No.” She looked down at her hand that gripped the fabric of her dress in a tight fist. “But I shouldn’t ask you to stay.”
“Why shouldn’t I stay?” Jake asked, shifting to sit on the edge of her seat, bringing him almost as close as the day they first kissed.
“Because... I can’t... think straight when you’re near.” She pushed at his chest to prevent him from coming closer. The warmth of her hand through his t-shirt caused his pulse to speed up. “Because... I want things I shouldn’t, like last time. I can’t do this again.” She scooted away from him and reached for her crutches that lay on the floor beside her chair. “I’m sorry Jake, I’m not strong enough to do this.”
Confusion filled Jake as he helped her get to her feet. “Do what? Grieve? Of course, you’re not strong enough. That’s why I want to be here for you.”
“I can’t Jake. I can’t do that to a man again.” She started her awkward shuffle into the house.
Jake stared after her.What just happened?He felt like he’d missed something. Something important. But he didn’t understand what.
He went after her. “Can’t do what again? This is about more than grieving for Cameron, isn’t it? Why won’t you talk to me?” He caught up to her inside the house.
She was pulling away from him. He’d sensed her pulling away physically the last couple days, but now she’d distanced herself from him emotionally.
A single tear fell on her cheek. “You have been my rock, Jake, but I need to separate myself from you a little. I need to do this by myself, so I don’t get too caught up in... in... you.” She leaned on her crutches and waved her hand toward his chest.
He put his hands on her shoulders. “Emily, you don’t need to go through this alone. Please talk to me.”
She took a deep breath. “I need to make a phone call.”
