Anything I need?Emily had to bite her tongue to keep from saying she needed him.
* * *
Daniel waited patientlyfor Emily to settle into the chaise lounge on the front porch before taking his seat again. “I’m sorry about your brother, Emily.”
“Thank you. How are you doing today? You looked good after your workout with Jake this morning.”
After breakfast, Emily had taken her time showering, trying to delay the inevitable. She’d been about to enter Jake’s office when she realized Daniel stood guard on the front porch. Dreading the phone calls, she decided to postpone them a little longer and join Daniel. She didn’t talk to him at all yesterday.
Daniel shrugged, but Emily could see the tension in his shoulders. “It’s rough but getting a little easier each day. I know you’re going through a lot. Don’t feel like you need to talk with me.”
“I need to talk with someone and do something. When I’m alone, I think too much about what I’ve lost... about what I’ve seen.”
“Death is hard to unsee, isn’t it?” Daniel’s voice was quiet.
Emily caught the tone of his voice and knew Daniel had seen someone die. Was it a violent death, like her brother’s? Someone close to him? Was that why he started drinking?
“It is hard.” She wracked her brain for the right words to say in this moment. Could she get him to talk to her? “How did it make you feel when you experienced death?” She held her breath.
Daniel was quiet for so long, Emily wondered if he would answer, or if she would have to try another tactic.
“Guilty.”
Guilty?That was not what she expected. “Will you tell me why?”
Daniel’s eyes remained fixed on a horse in the pasture. He shifted in his seat before answering. “Because I killed a kid.”
Shocked, Emily fought the urge to gasp. She wasn’t supposed to react emotionally or pass judgment on the things her patients told her. “I’m sure you didn’t do it on purpose. Will you tell me what happened?”
Daniel chewed on his fingernail before speaking. “I was living in Portland last fall. Finishing up my degree and starting an internship at an architectural firm. But I missed the ranch... and Riley. One day, I saw an advertisement for a motorbike for sale. It reminded me of the ranch, and I decided to buy it.” He propped his elbows on his knees and hung his head.
Emily leaned forward, straining to hear him.
“When I drove through the subdivision looking for the seller’s house... this teenage driver came barreling out of his driveway right at me. He didn’t even look where he was going. I swerved to miss him then looked over my shoulder to make sure he didn’t hit me.” Daniel plunged both hands into his hair. “I didn’t see the little boy riding his bike down his driveway... right into the street... in front of me.”
Emily bit her tongue to keep from assuring him it wasn’t his fault. It’s not that she couldn’t be compassionate and professional at the same time. She just wasn’t sure she could do it without getting emotional.
Besides, Daniel didn’t need to hear it wasn’t his fault. He needed someone to validate the guilt he felt and his struggle to deal with it.
“What happened to the little boy?” she asked, although, she was sure she already knew.
“He lay there... unmoving, with his eyes closed. He looked like he was sleeping.” Daniel’s voice shook as he continued. “I called 911... then waited for what felt like an eternity for the ambulance to show up... I can still hear his mother’s screams.” He buried his face in his hands.
“I’ll bet that was difficult.” She squeezed her eyes closed, remembering how she’d waited for her brother to get up.
“I didn’t even run over him.” Anguish filled his voice. “I stopped... but not in time. I knocked him off his bike, causing his head to hit the road... so hard...” Daniel swiped tears from his eyes. “There wasn’t even any blood... but he never opened his eyes. After I finished talking to the police, I went to the hospital... I had to know if he would be okay. I tried to keep my distance from his parents... but I saw his mother... when the doctor came to talk to them—” Daniel’s voice broke, and his Adam’s apple bobbed repeatedly.
Emily reached over and put her hand on his knee. He looked up at her. She let him see the tears flowing down her own face.
Encouraged, he continued, “She just sank to the floor.”
“You’ve carried such a heavy burden, Daniel. Who did you tell? Who did you talk to?”
“I told my parents what happened, and they came to visit me for a few days, so Jake knows. But other than that, I never told anyone. I couldn’t because it meant reliving it. Besides, my roommate wasn’t exactly the sensitive type. He could see I struggled with it though. He’s the one who persuaded me to drown my guilt in Jack Daniels.” He gave a pained smirk before burying his face in his hands again. “I hated it. I hated the taste and how guilty I felt for turning my back on the way I was raised. But I liked how numb it made me, so I didn’t feel the guilt over killing that kid.”
Emily had no desire for alcohol, but she would love to feel numb for a while.Focus on Daniel’s problems, not your own.
“Do you feel the accident was your fault?”
