When Charlotte looks at her disorientedly, Riley elaborates: “Of course I want to date. Of course I want to date you.”
“Wh— how could I have known?” Charlotte raises her voice to not let those words reach the innermost part of herself. “How was I supposed to know if you like spending time with me?”
Riley laughs again, raking a hand through her own hair and looking up for a moment. “This might be the gayest thing about you, I’ll give you that,” she snickers as her eyes land back on Charlotte’s, an adoring expression on her face.
“I fail to see how a conversation can be gayer than, you know, being inside another woman's vagina, but please explain,” Charlotte says, not sure if she’s offended, amused, or confused.
“The most lesbian thing about you isn’t my head between your legs, Charlotte. It’s the fact that I have been literally telling you how into you I am, for weeks,months—and here you are, asking me how you were supposed to know whether I even like you.”
“Everything you say is open to multiple interpretations,” Charlotte defends herself weakly. “I’m sure you haven’tliterallytold me—”
“Oh, I have. Literally. And I just did it again, so if you still feel the need to hide behind your fear of being rejected, I’m going to spray you with a water bottle until you can meet me somewhere in the middle of this conversation.”
“I’m not a cat.”
“So retract your claws and jump off the counter, please.”
Charlotte huffs, still not convinced of what Riley is trying to tell her. Her eyes drift down to Shaky, whom she catches chewing on one of the ends of the bracelet still clutched in her palm.
“Hey, that’s not food, Shake,” she berates him, pulling the string from his mouth and carefully putting it back in the pouch, which she drops in her lap.
“I’m scared too, you know,” she hears Riley say after a few beats, the sound of her voice much more intimate now. “Because you liking me, choosing me… You can’t promise me that it’s not your body talking. Who knows what happens when you get back home now that you’re free to explore all these new possibilities I introduced you to? This has never been without risk for me, either.”
Charlotte looks at her and blinks a few times. “But… you kept talking about me dating other women. You told me to get out there and basically offer myself up to the first available lesbian.”
Riley answers her with a lopsided smile. “Please try to remember whose thighs were wrapped around my headthe other day,” she says jokingly, and yet her sultry voice does things to Charlotte’s insides.
“When I knew I was falling for you—for a woman who wasn’t out yet,” she emphasizes, “I knew the only way to get close to you was by talking to you, but mostly by letting you go. I couldn’t risk you running for the hills if you ever felt cornered, marrying the first lesbian you came across with bigger biceps than me. That’s why I wanted you to get out there. I wanted you to choose me as your best option, not as your only option.”
Riley’s words seem to float in her direction like small tendrils of some invisible substance she’s defenseless against, seeping into her skin wherever they land on her, making their way through everything that she is, settling down in her soul. Riley’s thoughtful nature has always been Charlotte’s soft spot, especially when she can be such a joker too. Even now it seems everything has a reason. And Riley had been vulnerable through it all, even if she radiated confidence.
After a few moments of silence, when Riley assumes her words have gotten through to Charlotte, she continues: “For you, it was about finding who you were, what you liked. For me, the stakes were always way, way higher. It was about… love. And I was never going to stop pursuing you, unless you specifically asked me to.” Her last words turn into an almost-whisper. “You used a lot of hurtful words, Charlotte, but never those. You never asked me to stop. That was enough for me to hold on to. And here we are.”
Charlotte feels tears prickling behind her eyes, and she swallows them away.
“So…” she tries, her voice cracking. “So what does that mean? Have you f-fallen for me?”
Riley’s jaw drops, her hand stilling in her hair as she swipes it back again. “Oh my god, Charlotte, I could not be any clearer.” She nods at Shaky. “I even kidnapped your fucking ferret!”
Charlotte averts her gaze, but her lips curl up. “That sounds an awful lot like a confession, Ri.”
“Have you read the note?” Riley presses on.
Oh. The note.
Charlotte carefully retrieves the piece of paper from the pouch in her lap and unfolds it.
Let’s keep falling together
Underneath it is a small but detailed sketch of their penis statues, the ones they had sculpted months ago and had dried out leaning against each other.
It’s all just too much. Charlotte’s brain blinks out and so her reflexes come to the rescue. “How’d you get him to write this?” she quips, pointing at the ferret.
Riley looks up at her with a murderous gaze, unfolding her leg to softly kick her in the shin.
“Charlotte,” she says, straightening her spine. “This is my best English: I would very much like to start dating you.”
Once again, Riley’s directness completely obliterates any attempt at keeping her at a distance; the only option she gives Charlotte is to be as vulnerable as she has been herself.
