You’ll be safe in the oasis in your tin foil crown
When the journey’s over and the story’s told
Your sweets will always drown out all your bitters
Because everything you love is brushed with gold
Everything you love is all that glitters
When the day is over and the night unfolds
When I bend and when I break and when I shiver
Your smile can light the dark and burn the cold
And you still don’t understand that you’re what glimmers
When he started writing, he’d meant to take that fresh-faced wonder Jem gave him—just let people like stuff—and turn it into a song. But his first take ended up being about the transformative effect that had on River. River had been living in Hollywood for twenty years, and that single conversation washed away two decades of jading and grime and brought back a part of River he hadn’t known he’d lost. He’d felt brand-new.
Even if it had turned out Jem didn’t lovehim—even if River would feel the sting of that betrayal for the rest of his life—the way River looked at the world had still changed.
As the song wound down, he tried to hold on to that feeling instead of the grief. It half worked; when he tuned back in to reality, he realized the words had come out raw instead of smooth. He’d sung himself hoarse on what used to be a ballad, and the audience was on their feet cheering.
He looked at Lara and gave her an apologetic wince. She grinned back. She had always adapted on the fly.
They were going to make a lot of great music together. But at the end of the show, the day, the tour, River would go home alone. Just like he had for the past twenty years.
He didn’t know how he got through the rest of the show. Fortunately Ward and Eric covered for him. By the time he was wiping off his makeup in the green room, Amanda and Ted had both texted multiple times; the Flat Tires and River were both trending on pretty much every social platform, the clip of River and Lara performing had gone viral, and all the remaining tickets to their show had sold out.
River should feel good… triumphant.
His ears rang; he felt hollow.
Lara patted him on the shoulder and wandered off to talk shop with the stage musicians. Eric was in the corner, on the phone to his wife; he had his back to the room and his shoulders were shaking.
Ward spun River’s chair around and pushed it back against the vanity so River couldn’t turn away. “Have you talked to him?”
He shook his head. “What’s there to say?”How could you do this to me? I thought you were different?
Was any of it real?
If he asked, he might get an answer. River didn’t want to know what it would do to him if Jem said no.
“I don’t know, River, maybe you could listen for once.”
River jerked back and looked up to see Ward shaking his head in frustration.
“Look, maybe we all misjudged the guy. Or maybe there’s an explanation for what happened. For example: our fans are obsessed and someone recognized you from your shoes. Weirder shit has happened.”
What if? If River had overreacted and this was all some stupid misunderstanding, and he’d hurt Jem the way he assumed Jem had hurt him—
No.
“He lied to me. He said he was home in California, but he was literally on the other side of the country, showing off at a fancy wedding.” Wearing clothes he could only afford because of what River had given him, rubbing elbows with the kind of crowd he’d pretended to hate.
Ward sighed. “You’re so fucking stubborn.”
River kicked his foot. “Shut up.”
