Jem watched him with the same mild amusement he seemed to go through life with. His face gave away nothing.
Finally River said, “Raised by a single mom.”
Jem barked a laugh and leaned back on the couch. “That’s not fair. I mean, kind of a gimme, right? Guy signs up to be a sugar baby, must have daddy issues.”
River fist-pumped. “I got it?”
“Yeah, yeah.” Jem shook his head. “Amazing powers of deduction.”
Shaking his head, River said, “Nah, man, just takes one to know one, you know?” He didn’t bother guessing if Jem’s dad was dead, like his own, or just a deadbeat like so many others. He didn’t want to tarnish his victory by getting it wrong.
“Fair enough.” He inclined his head. “What else you got?”
The trouble with getting something right on the first try was that now he had to live up to that success, and he didn’t have enough information to do it well. But there was being right, and there was beingfunny. If River couldn’t guess Jem’s job or his favorite movie or what he liked on his pizza, he could at least make him laugh again.
He narrowed his eyes and predicted, “You’re a promoter for a roller derby league.”
Jem smiled. “You’re close, actually.”
Damn. That told him nothing. “You’re not going to give me a hint?”
“You’re not giving up this early in the game.”
Fine. He’d guessed a family thing and a job thing, so that left… what? Musical taste? Hobbies? He huffed. “This is hard. You gotta give me something to go on.”
“Do I?” He blinked guileless hazel eyes. “All right. You get one question, completely unrelated to anything you guess afterward. So no asking what’s the last concert I went to and then guessing my musical taste.”
“So no go-to In-N-Out order either, huh?”
“Exactly.” Jem nodded. “And—to be fair, whatever question you ask me, you have to answer too.”
As if River had secrets anymore. Shit, okay… what would give him useful information without giving away too much?River snapped his fingers. “Okay, I got it. Top three celebrity crushes.”
“Oh, you mean aside from you?” he teased.
River snorted. He was under no delusions. “Obviously.”
“Okay, okay. We’ll go across the categories.”
“There are categories?”
“Men, women, nonbinary babes. Women are easiest—that’s Ilona Maher.”
In four hundred years, River never would’ve guessed that. His surprise must’ve shown on his face, because Jem smirked. “What? Didn’t see that coming?”
“I did not expect your first choice to be a woman who could squash you like a bug,” River admitted. “Though I guess that’s kind of the appeal?”
Jem went slightly glassy-eyed but did not offer further comment. “Also Timothee Chalamet.”
River was probably making a very ridiculous fishmouth face. “…Menyoucould squash like a bug?”
“And Jonathan van Ness,” Jem finished.
“Okay, no, that one makes perfect sense.” And River had learned something, although he didn’t know how the knowledge that Jem’s type was apparently “fuck gender norms” was going to help him figure out what he did for a living or what kind of movies he watched. Although—“Your favorite musical isKinky Boots.”
Jem cackled. “It’sGreatest Showman.”
River sputtered. “That counts!”
