My shoulders relax as Brad gets out of the passenger seat, until I see him wave off the very female, very pretty, very age-appropriate driver.Oh god, please don't be another one-night stand.I really would rather never see or know about any of them.
“Hey, how are my girls today?” He saunters up the driveway to kiss me on the cheek before getting Lizzie from her car seat.
I unlock the front door and try for nonchalant when I ask, “Who was that who dropped you off? I didn't recognise her.”
Dropping my bag on a dining chair, I bend down to love on Pickles. His ears are pinned back in excitement and his whole butt is wagging.
Brad follows me into the house, smacking noisy kisses on Lizzie's neck, much to her squealing delight.I remember that feeling too, little one.
“Oh, that was Larissa. She's Amy's best friend and helps out at the bar sometimes. My car wouldn't start, so Ewan towed it to his garage for me. Something about a start plug. It should be ready tomorrow, though.”
“Assistant manager Amy? And you could've called, I would have picked you up on the way.”
“Nah, it's fine. I know work has been busy, so I didn't want to make you drive out of your way. And Larissa offered as her parents live nearby, so she said it would be a good excuse to go see them after.”
“That's was nice of her.”
I start taking food out of the fridge to cook dinner as Brad plays with our daughter on her mat, and Pickles abandons them to come and play sous chef. Every time I glance up, my heart flips in my chest, because if Brad's not already looking at me, his gaze snaps to mine shortly after.
I don't know what's going on with me lately. He's always been a great dad, and the sight has always been ovary exploding. But this heart flip thing seems to have taken on a life of its own recently. Maybe I have a heart condition? I should probably get it checked.
And then the whole torturing myself with images of him and Deana, or him and any faceless woman, to the point where my stomach churns. That's new, too.
Is this what perimenopause feels like? Can this all be explained away by hormones...or the lack thereof?
Brad looks up again and smiles as he spins our daughter around to wave her chubby little hands at me. “Say, hi Mama! We love you!”Welove you.Heart flip. Damnit, I don't think it's hormones! Or maybe it is, but the wrong kind. This shit needs to stop.
So I do the only thing I know how to do really well. Self-sabotage.
Once we're sat at the table eating our spaghetti bolognese – or wearing it in Lizzie's case – I say, “Larissa is pretty, hey? How come you've never mentioned her?”
Brad's eyes narrow because he almost certainly knows what I'm doing. “Yeah, she's pretty in a girl-next-door kind of way. She's very sweet too,” he watches for my reaction as he takes another bite of his food. “I guess I've never mentioned her because there's never been a reason to. I don't talk about every single person I speak to.”
I hum at that because I don't really know what to say.
He sighs, “Spit it out, Shari. You're either desperate to ask about her, or you're itching to start a fight, so...which is it?”
“I don't want to fight with you! Why would you think that?”
“Because every time a certain subject comes up, we have the same damn conversation, and it always ends in a fight.” The ice in his Coke clinks against the glass as he picks it up to take a sip.
“Well,” I shrug helplessly and sigh, “I just want you to be happy, Brad. Don't put your life on hold for...anyone. You have so much to offer, and I just,” I trail off. “I just want you to be happy.”
“I know, I know. You want me to be young. You want me to have fun. You want me to be happy. I am happy. As happy as I can be within these parameters, anyways. But if you're cool with it, then maybe I will ask Larissa out.” He's watching my face carefully again, and it takes a phenomenal effort not to flinch.
“Good! Great! I'm cool with it. So cool I'm practically freezing. Pass me a jumper! Hahahhahah. Joking! But not about that, I really am cool with it. Go for it. You ask her out! Come to think of it, she kinda looks like Larissa Oleynik, do you think her parents named her after the actress? Hmmm, you're both probably too young to even know who I'm talking about, though. I loved The Secret World Of Alex Mack, but I guess if you would know her from anything, it'd be 10 Things I Hate About You,have you seen that? Such a good movie.” I drag in a huge breath and bite my lips together so no more inane drivel can spill from my mouth.
Brad shakes his head with a reluctant smile, but it looks sad somehow. “Ok Blaze, I'll think about it.”
Don’t mind me, just digging my own grave over here.
19
HOOF!
SHARI
15th August2025
