Chapter 1
Mackenzie
“Australia is so far away!” Mom’s eyes started to shine, right as she gripped my arms tighter. “What about Canada? I’ve got a third cousin or something who has a farm up that way.” She shot me a watery smile. “I could give him a call, see if I could see if you could stay at his place.”
“Mom—” I sighed.
“That way you’re only five or six hours away if you fly out of Toronto.”
“Mom.” I stepped closer, staring into her eyes. “I can’t do this.” Dammit, why did my voice have to start wavering? The look of concern in my mother’s eyes was growing by the second. “Not if you’re going to freak out. It’s always been my dream to go to Australia. I…” Suddenly, a lump formed in my throat, almost impossible to swallow. “I didn’t go last time.”
“That boy…”
Mom’s lips thinned as she shook her head, because that boy was Alex. Her best friend’s son, we were joined at the hip as kids, then high school sweethearts, before he asked me to marry him. Our honeymoon was supposed to be in Australia, mydream holiday. Together we were… But he got cold feet, leaving it until just before the ceremony to tell me. Most our deposits for the venue and catering were forfeited, but he got his plane ticket refunded. Used it to go to Cancun with a bunch of work friends, whereas I… Slunk home to my mom’s place, setting up camp on her sofa for months on end. Watching reruns of old sitcoms as I lost my job, then my apartment, then all interest in anything other than the plot of Friends.
But no more.
“It’s been four weeks since I started having regular showers again,” I said. “Three weeks since I shaved my legs. My therapist thinks?—”
“That this will be a fresh start.” Her smile was everything I didn’t know I needed. My mother’s arms went around me, holding me tight, and for just a moment I allowed myself to become a kid again. Right then, Mom was my whole world. Soft, supportive, and letting me feel safe. I hugged her hard, sure I could take that feeling with me onto the plane. “Well, you better go. Security is a bitch?—”
“Mom!” I spluttered.
“Well, it is.” With a shake of her head, she stepped backwards. “And I need to get back home. The chickens have to be fed, as well as the goats, the cow?—”
“Love you, Mom,” I said, then hoisted the strap of my carry-on bag over my shoulder. “I’ll be back in six months.”
“Three months?” she bargained. “I was reading on the Australian immigration website?—”
“Six months,” I said more firmly. Younger people with relevant agricultural experience could stay in Australia on a working visa for up to twenty-four weeks, which had been my motivation to do hours of picking work on my holidays. “I’ll see you in six months.”
“Don’t let any of those Aussie boys sweep you off your feet!” she called out as I started for the doors of the airport. “Unless they are a Hemsworth, in which case, grab ‘em with both hands!”
People turned to stare at the two of us, but I couldn’t help but smile. Her grin was what I carried with me as I entered the terminal.
And that’s when the anxiety hit.
Heart pounding, the place seemed too loud, too full of people. Self-care had only just become a thing again for me, and I thought I could handle an international airport? The hard glossy floors had every footstep echoing through the huge space, getting louder and louder.
You’ve got this…
My thought was like a dry leaf being whisked away in the wind. It was blown further and further away as my chest heaved. Fear was like a bolt of electricity, pulsing through me, forcing my whole body to quiver.
But I couldn’t let the fear win.
If I didn’t get on that plane, I’d never have seen a koala in the wild, or a kangaroo. I’d never see eucalyptus trees growing where they were supposed to. If I stayed here, it meant having to go and find a job at wherever was hiring. Clocking in and clocking out at the end of my shift, caught on the same old hamster wheel that had my feet racing when my ex and I were still together.
That was not what I wanted.
I chose my dreams, chose life. Stopping for just a moment, I let the crowds fan around me. I chose me, and that was the impetus I needed to move forward. Making for the baggage drop, I approached a terminal and scanned in my ticket. Getting through security, finding my gate, it all happened in a blur. My heart was still pounding, but now it was from excitement ratherthan fear. I was doing this, I thought as I sat down on one of the chairs in the departure lounge. I was heading Down Under.
I’d flown before, but the walkway down to the plane looked different somehow. After lining up, I noted every window, every shift in the pattern on the carpet. Reaching the entrance, I smiled reflexively when the flight attendant asked to check my ticket again.
“24E,” she said, gesturing down the aisle. “On the right, by the window.”
With all the other passengers, I performed the obligatory shuffle down the middle of the plane until I reached my seat.
“Hi.” A couple who were already seated looked up when I arrived at row 24. “I’m by the window.”
