“It’s okay,” I cut in.
Erin looses a breath. “Oh, thank f–I mean thank baby Jesus!”
“Would you believe me if I said it’s complicated?”
She squints. “Exactlyhowcomplicated?”
“Like childhood friends to lovers with a Vegas wedding and getting divorced the next day type of complicated.”
“Sounds wild! You should write a book about that. I’d read it! You’re just missin’ your happy ever after… but maybe your story isn’t finished yet.”
I laugh, though I suddenly feel like throwing up. Because I can’t think of a single reason why Rust and I aren’t giving it another shot. Fuck, I can’t believe I’m even entertaining the thought. That’s scarier than driving cross state with a body in my trunk.
Well, maybe there’s one reason. The fact that he’s built a life without me and I have no right to uproot him from that.
And when I offered him credit for the album, he said he doesn’t want fame. But anyone who dates me inevitably finds their face plastered in some tabloid. A stable relationship by itself is difficult because human emotions are messy. A healthy relationship in the spotlight and under constant scrutiny is near impossible.
And then there’s one other, tiny problem:
I’m 99 percent sure my heart is gonna explode if we get back together and I end up losing him again. The firsttime was the single most painful experience of my entire life. I can’t do it all over.
Right now, it seems like we’re making this friends with benefits thing work. It’s early on, but if we continue building that friendship, I’ll get to keep Rust as a part of my life again. Minus the risks of a romantic relationship and the inevitable breakup blow-up.
And I can be there for him, too. I want to be his anchor when he finds himself lost at sea. I want to be the one to take care of the man who takes care of everybody else but forgets about himself.
This fragile, budding friendship is more than I ever hoped for in the past decade without him. I need this. I need Rustin around, that’s becoming clear as day to me.
So really, there are plenty of reasons why we aren’t together. But tell that to the butterflies putting on a synchronized dance in my belly as we lock eyes across the room.
Erin clears her throat and I find her looking between Rust and me, smirking. “If you guys are stayin’ another night, you should come to the‘Bottles & Boots’and listen to the band. Then I can introduce you to Dave and set up your gig for tomorrow.”
“Sounds good.”
Erin startles like she forgot something important. “Oh, and if you have some time tomorrow morning, you should check out the creek south of town. It’s the perfect spot to spend a slow summer day.” She giggles conspiratorially. “Andromantic,too. Happy ever after material.”
I like the idea. Being out in nature always helps me to get creative and I got plenty of songs to work on. “Could you give me directions later?”
“Sure thing! Well then, are you ready to continue?” she askshappily.
I strum the guitar. “Absolutely.”
Erin lets out a sharp whistle and slips back into her instructor role. As I watch the old ladies get in line with Rust in front, he turns to me, taps his hat, and winks.
My stomach flips.
Friends, Tally. Friends with benefits, but friends.Better to have a piece of him than to lose him completely.
29
RUST
The humid airhums with heat. Even with the thick canopy shielding us from the sun, it still feels like walking through a tub of hot Vaseline.
Sweat trickles down the nape of my neck as I carry a cooler over a little bridge spanning the creek. The old wood groans beneath my steps.
Tally puts down her guitar case and her purse, toeing off her boots and socks. “Totally worth the hike. Erin was right, this is a beautiful spot.” She sits on the edge of the bridge and her mouth forms a delighted‘O’ as her toes dip into the glittering creek.
“Not beautiful. Perfect,” I add quietly.
