When I get home. I decide to decorate the house as a surprise for Alex, given he’s not got around to it yet. I'm grateful that Jill and Charlie are willing to come and help because I haven’t got a clue where he keeps everything. I want our home to be perfect for our first Christmas together.
As soon as I put on some Christmas music in the background, the children are filled with excitement. Jill takes Edento the kitchen, where they start working on some Christmas sugar cookies. Meanwhile, Charlie gets down the decorations and the tree, so Ace and I can help him put them up.
“Where does this go?” I ask, picking up a snow globe.
It's pretty, with a green bottom that's supposed to be covered with snow, and it depicts a wintery scene. It’s a family of four building snowmen in front of a house. Charlie takes it from me.
“Alex got that for Julia when she was pregnant with Eden. She cried and threw it at him, smashing it. The next day, she bought another one, but they never put it out. He was heartbroken over it.”
As I go to put it back, Charlie takes it from me. He walks away, and I hear him scratching around in the drawers in the kitchen. When he comes back, the whole thing is lit up, and he places it on the mantel.
"It just needed some batteries. I think it's safe to bring it out again, given how happy everything is."
The kids sing along to the Christmas song playing on the radio, then Eden comes hurrying out of the kitchen to help decorate the tree. The cookies look delicious and are the final touch when Jill places them on the table in the living room.
We finish the tree, and Charlie holds Eden up to top the tree off with the star. Charlie pretends that he is dropping her, and she squeals in delight as he catches her at the last minute. My heart skips a beat. No one can deny that I love these kids with my whole heart.
Back in the kitchen, I help Jill make dinner. By help, I mean I sit on the unit and pass her utensils. Alex texts that he's going to be late, so I feed the children first and get them ready for bed. Jill and Charlie make an exit when the kids are asleep.
Eden has been sleeping in Alex's bed less since I moved in there, thank goodness. I giggle to myself as I walk downstairs, only to find Alex walking in.
"What's so funny?" he asks with a slight frown.
"You are," I say with a grin, going over to kiss him.
"Why am I funny?" he asks, confused. "Is it because I'm late?” He notices the decorations. “You did all this? You’ve done well.”
“With some help.” I smile and warm up our food. "Eat, then we can relax in front of the fireplace."
I know what I plan to do tonight. I’m going to make my feelings clear to Alex. I want us to put a label on what we are. It's almost Christmas, and I want to spend it together as an official family. I don't want Alex to keep telling Ace and Eden that we'll discuss our relationship status later.
Alex eats, telling me about how excited he is for the launch party coming up.
I pour some wine and get comfy as I watch Alex light a fire and then he sits back down beside me. I slide my legs over his, and he rests his hand on my thigh.
He sighs. "This is nice."
"It is." I hum a little to the soft Christmas music still playing in the background. "Alex?"
"Hmmm?" He looks at me.
Taking a deep breath, I start to speak. "I have to tell you something important. Something that I mean with my whole heart. Alex, I've fallen in love with you.”
Of all the reactions I was expecting, I didn't expect his body to stiffen. I look at him, searching his face and growing a little worried. "Alex?"
He takes a large gulp of wine. “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
“I see us together, married. We have a baby and we're one big happy family. I love you, and I'm not like Julia. I want a child with you. Aside from Eden and Ace, of course. I never thought I did. But now I know I do.”
“I thought so. I’m sorry.” He removes my legs off his lapand turns to face me. He looks so heavy, as though he's burdened with something terrible.
“Sorry? Sorry for what?” I ask.
I'm so confused. His words make my heart ache as I try to understand. I know he loves me, I can feel it in the way we connect, and not just when we make love. It’s clear in the little things as well. A glance, a stolen kiss, a hand in the small of my back as he guides me forward. Always protecting the children and me.
He sighs. “I don't know how else to say this other than to say I think we should call it a day. I don't think we're going to work out.”
My heart stutters. “Why? Because I said I love you?” Is he being serious right now? Is this some sort of stupid joke he thinks is funny?
