“But… I don’t know the system or how Ivy does things, and…” Fern looks flustered, blotchy patches appearing on her cheeks.
I look at her, wanting a yes or no answer. I don’t have time to explain everything to her first. “Fine. Come with me.” I walk her to the computer in the reception room, logging in as she watches.
“Here’s the password.” I point to a piece of paper with a bunch of letters and numbers on it before typing it in on the computer. Looking around, I can’t find the schedule for the day.
“May I?” Fern asks. Half a minute later, she says, “Got it.” She opens the diary, looking through my meetings.
“Call the other job applicants. Tell them they are unsuccessful,” I tell her as I walk off.
“Where’s the…” Fern calls after me.
I close my office door, not hearing the end of her sentence. Soon, my mobile phone rings—it’s my elusive wife.
“Julia,” I answer, weary about what she might want.
“Please sign the papers,” she begs. Not even a hello. I haven’t spoken to her in months, then I get two calls in two days.
“Why should I? Do you ever consider the children? For fuck’s sake, you walked out and never even said goodbye. You never gave us a reason. Why should I give you what you want when you don’t give a damn about our kids?” I feel like breaking her in two.
“Please, Alex. I’ll let you have full custody.” Her pleas just anger me more.
This isn't who I am. I'm not an angry person, yet I seethe as I speak to her. “You want the holiday home but not the children. You just want to skip merrily out of their lives.”
“Yes. They don’t need me,” she says with confidence
“I think you’ll find they do," I retort.
“Why do you care now? You never bothered when I was living at home. You never cared about me then. It was always about work,” Julia shouts at me.
At last, we're getting to the bottom of this. I wait for her to finish before I snap back. “Fine, punish me, but not the kids. Eden has nightmares every night. Ace doesn’t smile anymore. He’s angry all the time. It isn't fair on them. What you're doing isn't fair. They are your children, they come from your body.”
“Stop, Alex. Stop!" she cries.
“Why should I?” I demand.
“Because I don’t love you,” she admits. "It's over, Alex. Can't you accept that?"
“And them? The children?Yourchildren? Do you not love them?” I ask with desperation in my voice.
“I don’t love them either,” Julia says.
My heart breaks in two. The phone is silent on both ends. Anger doesn’t even cover what I’m feeling.
“I never wanted them. You did. Eden was a mistake. I could never bond with her. If you remember, I wanted an abortion. You said you would support me, but you left me to it. I had your mother interfering all the time. I wanted out of that life. I wanted to live again,” she yells down the line.
“You were too far gone for an abortion by the time we found out. Even if you wanted one, you couldn’t,” I reminded her. “I had the vasectomy after Eden was born, just like you wanted." My voice is louder than it should be given I’m at work.
“Not soon enough,” she screams at me.
“Have your divorce, but on one condition. I want your word that you’ll give up all legal rights to the children. I’ll have to be the one to tell them their own mother doesn’t love them.”
“Agreed,” Julia hisses, and slams the phone down in my ear.
Grabbing my laptop, I throw it across the room first. The coffee mug follows, hitting the office door, it smashes into bits. I walk out away from the mess, slamming the door behind me.
“Cancel all my meetings. I’m going home,” I yell at Fern as I head out.
“How do I leave?” Fern asks, rising out of her chair.
