Yet I cannot do anything but watch them from afar, not without compromising a future custody battle against Colin.
Sometimes, the path Fate leads us on can really suck.
After Foster and I washed dishes, we joined Kaitlin on the couch for a rainy evening movie night. One of the popular kids’ princess movies plays on the TV with the volume muted. Foster was the one who suggested we binge them, mentioning it was “appalling” that my daughter hadn’t been allowed to enjoy the “childhood staples” before now. Having never seen them myself, I didn’t get why he was so adamant, but after the first movie, I began to understand. The animation is well done, and the stories are super cute. Kait is certainly enamored of them.
Foster’s head lies against my leg, his feet stretched to rest on Shepherd’s lap. Kaitlin is tucked against my hip, her feet thrown over Foster’s legs and one arm tossed across his chest. He doesn’t seem to mind that she is using us both as a pillow. He gives her a soft look and pulls her blanket up a little higher to cover her shoulders.
“Want me to take her to bed?” Shepherd asks. This Alpha surprised me by singing along, filling the room with squeals and giggles. His performing alongside the story made our night much more entertaining!
Shaking my head, I rake my fingers through her dark, messy locks. “Not yet. She’d probably wake up, and I’m not ready tomove.” Not when I’m so close to them. When it feels like we’re just a pack enjoying a night in together.
Rain pelts the windows and roof. The only sound in the quiet house except the sound of us breathing. It’s peaceful. The exact opposite of my life outside these walls. I want to embrace these moments of perfection while they last.
“Hannah, can I ask you something?” Foster turns his stunning aquamarine eyes up to look at me.
“You just did,” I tease. “But I suppose you can ask another question.”
He shifts, pulling Kaitlin to settle beside him so he can see my face without straining. His dark hair is messy from being pressed against the cushions for so long. My fingers itch to detangle the curls, to feel his scalp beneath my nails. I swallow down the urge, not wanting to risk ruining our peace.
I should have, because Foster does exactly that when he opens his mouth.
“Why did you stay with Colin?”
My hand stills halfway through Kaitlin’s hair. A rush of feelings bubbles to the surface, passing from one to the next too quickly for me to make sense of them. Undercurrents of regret and fear coat each one, wrapping them in a protective bubble too thick for me to penetrate. I’ve spent years burying the what-ifs, the true depth of my feelings, and the betrayals enacted against me. They feel too far out of reach now.
“It’s complicated.” My answer is lame, monotone. These men are patient. They sit and wait for me to collect my thoughts. I’m sure they would stay here all night listening to me talk, so long as it meant they gained some small piece of me.
Why does that make me want to cry?
Am I so starved for honest attention that having them want to learn things about me, even the bad things,brings tears to my eyes?
“The DAU offered to relocate you when you first approached them, didn’t they?” Shepherd supplies, urging me to start from the beginning. As much as I’d rather avoid recounting any of those dark years of my life, this could be what they need to realize how unworthy I am of their love.
“They did, but I didn’t accept. It was tempting—the thought of being free—but the risk was too great. What would have happened to Omen if I hadn’t been there to get her to the DAU?” I don’t have to explain how horrific that would have been for my sister. She’s an Omega, the designation our father hates most. He would have broken her beyond repair. “I went back to protect her. She was only eleven when I became an informant, but there were already signs of what she would present as. Small ones, thankfully, ones only someone paying close enough attention would notice.”
Every time I think back on the years before I married Colin, I find myself grateful my parents were so uninterested in Omen. Father only cared to torment her, and Mother loathed her from the day she was born. If they had spent more time with her, watched her a little closer, they might have seen the same signs I did. Then they would have taken her from me before I could help her.
“You married Colin before Omen presented?”
I nod, grabbing my water from the coffee table and taking a long drink. That is one day I absolutely do not want to remember. Shuddering, I force myself to focus on the present. Parts of my past need to stay buried for my mental health. “Arranged marriages are commonplace in communities like the one I grew up in. They are a way for the leaders to control what designations emerge within their population. Strong Beta pairings are supposed to lead to Beta children.”
Foster snorts, his eyes rolling. “Anyone with a basic understanding of biology knows that isn’t how it works.”
“Schools in New Hampshire intentionally avoid covering any designation-related materials. Their science and health curriculum is pre-emergence. Books written over a hundred years ago that are practically irrelevant today. My father helped design the coursework that way, ensuring the church was responsible for teaching everyone how to recognize an Alpha or an Omega before they presented. Though I never understood how they got away with it on a federal level.”
“Money.” Shepherd shrugs his shoulders. “The answer is always money. That’s the only way any of the anti-designation groups get away with expanding their baseless ideologies.”
Sadly, that is likely the case. The Montgomery cult had many wealthy members, from senators to scientists and everywhere in between. Most of them were as vile as my parents, and several were worse. Thinking about them makes me want to cling to Kaitlin tighter, like I can protect her from the dark parts of this world.
That’s the thing about evil; it seeps into everything it touches. No one can avoid its reach forever.
“So getting married wasn’t your choice?” Foster asks.
I snort, head shaking. “Absolutely not. He is twice my age, and he’s a terrible person. He bought into my father’s false prophetry with enthusiasm. Always following him around like a puppy begging for attention. Colin accepted the marriage only to get closer to him.”
Foster’s brows pinch, the corners of his lips turning down the tiniest bit. “Was he mean to you? Colin?”
Biting my cheek, I hesitate to answer. When we started this conversation, I wanted them to know the true depths of the baggage I carry. But can I bring myself to speak about my marriage? Will they find me weak for choosing to stay in a loveless marriage?
