I’m not sure who’s more stunned, him or me. He could have expected this from Sadie; she’s always spoken her mind loudly and proudly. Even Tim has pushed back when Dad disparaged his wife or daughter. But me? I’ve never evendisagreedwith him before.
“No!” he shouts louder than ever before, face reddening. “You do not speak to me like that!‘Earn it’? I shouldn’t have to earn a bloody thing from any of you!I’m your father!”
“And while you continue to think like that, nothing is going to change.” Despite my inner swirling terror and discomfort at being yelled at, my voice stays soft and steady, which only throws his shouting into starker relief. “Your… shittiness…” He gasps as I say the word, “has cost you your marriageandyour relationships with your children. Look around you, Dad. You’re alone, andthat’s on you. We’re not the problem.Youare. And until you understand that, and until you find real love in your heart for any of us, there’s no point in me being here.”
I turn towards the door.
“Don’t youdarewalk away from me,boy,” he snaps.
“Actually,” I say, “that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
My legs are shaking and my heart’s pounding, but I keep walking as he continues to shout behind me, and quietly close the door in more ways than one.
I pull over around the corner. I’m too dizzy and agitated to drive safely. My throat is tight and my hands are trembling on the wheel. I’ve never confronted anyone like that before, and it doesnotfeel good. Necessary, yes. But notgood.
Actually, the whole business was a sensory nightmare, and I feel like I could retch.
I remind myself that the alternative of rolling over, placating, and absorbing more of his bile would have been significantly worse. It still takes effort to slow my breathing.
Tippi.
There isn’t a single person on earth I’d rather be with right now.Even if she sets my insides fizzing, it’s a much nicer kind of electricity than this lingering surge of sick adrenaline.
I don’t think I could have done what I just did without her. Since she blew into my life, she’s swept through like a glittering storm, shaking everything loose and letting the important pieces fall in new patterns. She spoke to me about neurodivergence like it was normal, not shameful. Because of that nudge, I got assessed, got answers, and started getting help. She’s opened my eyes to new angles on life, sex, connection,myself. And never once has she made me feel like some remedial case.
If she were staying…
My throat closes further. No. I can’t go there.
I just know I want to be near her.Now.
I text with clumsy fingers.
Jacob:
Where are you?
Mercifully, she doesn’t keep me waiting.
Tippi:
Helping Rhiannon pick her book to take to school tomorrow. Why?
Jacob:
I’ll be there in a few minutes.
Tippi:
Everything OK?
Jacob:
Yes. Just in need of a friendly face.
When I arrive, Tippi opens the door with our niece perched on her hip.
“Hey,” she says, and her smile soothes something raw inside me almost at once. Her hair’s piled into a messy bun, tendrils curling around her face. Her jeans might as well be painted on, and her sleeveless top dips low at the sides, offering the occasional glimpse of her bra.
