He brought his hand to the side of my face and smiled.
"You can say 'love me.' It's okay. We've been crushing over each other for ten long months. We're infatuated with each other. In love isn't that big a leap. It doesn't mean we've said the three-dreaded words. It just means we're happy to finally be together. Right?"
I nodded and leaned into his forehead.
"Right," I mumbled and kissed him.
"And you make me happy too. I'm in love with you. I...am in love...with you. God. It feels so...good to finally say it aloud. To you."
I chuckled.
"It does, doesn't it?" I whispered.
He nodded.
Then he pulled away and reached for his coffee again.
"Do you mind if I ask a question? About Wyatt?"
"Sure. I don't mind telling you. I know you'll keep the secret."
"You said you bought the farm and then he ditched you, because he wasn't ready to shack up and basically declare his sexuality to the world."
I nodded.
"But he is here. On the island. What...does that mean—did he give up his career to be with you? Is he trying to win you back? What's the story there?"
I picked up my own coffee and took a sip.
"I honestly don't know. We were planning on retiring together. I guess I was doing the planning, he was just not objecting. He ditched me. Said he couldn't do it, but then he came here two years ago. He bought the bar; he set up shop. I don't know. Maybe he found a new mission to obsess over, with the crime syndicate. Or maybe he regretted everything. Or not.
I honestly don’t know. At the end of the day, this is his home island. It doesn't mean he came back for me. Maybe he was ready to retire. I haven't really spoken to him for obvious reasons, so I don't know what he's thinking. But if you're worried about me going back to him, trust me, I am not. That ship has sailed."
Zach put his cup down and shook his head, reaching for my hands.
"No. That...that wasn't it. I mean partly, but I know you're done with him. I was just curious. I think you might be done with him, but he's probably not done with you."
I shrugged.
"That's not something I can control. We spent ten years together and I loved him. A part of me probably always will, but I could never be with him again. So I can kind of see it from his point of view. He's still stuck in the past. In a time when it was us against the world. A time when he felt safe and cherished. But he needs to move on. He needs to accept himself and move on."
Zach pursed his lips.
"Some people never do and it's the saddest thing ever. They carry so much baggage that they let the guilt and shame eat them from the inside out. That’s why I think you should try and forgive him."
“I can’t do that.”
He nodded.
“I know it’s hard, but carrying that anger, the hurt inside can’t be good for you.”
I huffed an unamused chuckled.
“That’s what Warren said.”
“I think he’s right,” Zach answered. “Forgiving him will help you move on. He didn’t mean to hurt you. Coming out can be a beast. Especially for older people. Or people that come from more conservative upbringings.”
I huffed and shook my head.
