I wouldn’t have that.
No matter how good the fantasy was, the reality was that my heart was closed for business.
TEN
ZACH
“Lookah, I’m bored.” I put my phone down and gave the dog a good head scratch, as I let out a big sigh.
There was only so much doomscrolling a person could do before they wanted to rip their eyes out. I never want to look at another influencer in my life ever again.
I was simply not the kind of person to sit on my ass all day and donothing.
I’ve been dreaming of running my own bakery all my life, through the ups and the downs. Even though it’s only been a year and some change since I’ve started working myself to the ground, it’s become my new normal. That was clearly evident from how much I couldn’t stand being surrounded by four walls, no matter how cozy they were.
At least when Dare was here he kept my mind busy. Between his beautiful personality and those chest hairs that managed to poke out of whatever he was wearing, giving me a taste of the bear underneath, I was never bored. I mean, he wasn’t themost convenient distraction thanks to the constant boner I was sporting, but it was better than the alternative.
I glanced out the window, at the sun trying to peek through the heavy clouds and bit my lip.
“Should we…” I mumbled and Lookah’s left ear shot up as he tilted his head to the side. He made me laugh.
I looked out again. I swallowed a frog in my throat. Chewed the inside of my lip. Pondered over it some more.
It was safe out there. We were in the middle of Hummingbird County. There wasn’t another soul for miles. Nothing bad was going to happen.
Or, nothing worse than what already happened.
“Okay. Let’s do it, Lookah. Let’s go for a…” I started and the dog tilted his head again. “Walk!” I announced and he jumped to his feet.
The goats, who had been curled up in a bundle on the other side of me, bleeped loudly and followed Lookah’s example.
Lookah, for his part, ran in circles around me, pausing every few rounds to put his paws on my knees as if telling me to hurry the fuck up. I couldn’t help but smile.
Steve, the beige pygmy, headbutted my leg, before Eve took over and kept going until I got off my ass.
“Dare wasn’t lying, huh. You are bossy!” I told Eve, and turned to Lookah who had sat on his back legs staring at me. “And you’re such a good doggie,” I told him. “Come on. Let’s go.”
I put my shoes on, threw my jacket over my shoulders and opened the door, letting out the herd. Lookah ran out ahead,followed by Eve and Adam with Steve leaving last. Each goat dropped poops as they walked, without a care in the world.
Despite the dirty job of picking up crap, I couldn’t help but fill my lungs with fresh air, turn my ears to the direction of the birdsongs, and chase after the animals as they took me around the back and toward the nearest acre of blueberry plants.
The further away we got, the easier it became to breathe and I felt my shoulder relax. Despite the biting cold and condensation blowing out my mouth, I felt rejuvenated.
“See? I knew it was safe around here,” I told Steve. He was keeping me company, walking next to me and he gave me an affectionate headbutt that earned him an ear scratch or two.
I looked at one of the plants. It was devoid of color and fruit, just a bunch of branches, with some with dying red leaves still attached. Everything was truly in hibernation. Nothing much to see but even so, the endless land of slumbering blueberry plants was quite the sight to behold.
“Lookah! Come on, boy. Time to head back,” I said after a little while.
I wasn’t sure how long it had been as I’d been silly enough to leave my phone at the house, but my toes were starting to feel numb, so it was probably best we got back into the warmth of Dare’s home.
We didn’t even make it a step inside when Dare grabbed me by the shoulders and wrapped his arms around me, making me freeze on the spot. My lungs stopped working, my vision went hazy and all I could do was stand there and blink.
“Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick!” he said and I tried to answer but my body had shut down.
It’s okay, Zach. It’s all okay. It’s Dare. It’s just Dare. He’s not going to hurt you.
I repeated it over and over in my head until the rest of my body believed me and took me out of this daze while Dare kept searching my eyes for answers.
