As if on purpose, we’d happened to stand under a bunch of mistletoe, surrounded by shoppers smirking at us because of the happy accident.
So I kissed him. Of course I kissed him as tradition dictated.
Besides, it was the only thing I could do when he looked at me full of need and desire. When he looked at me, it was as if he was begging to be held forever in my arms, forever to be kissed, forever to be cherished.
His taste sparked something inside me. It always did, but it felt bigger and more significant this time.
It was a fire. A fire that had been building little by little since we met until it became something more. Something great. A wildfire that threatened to scorch every part of my body and mind, leaving me with nothing but my charred remains. And yet the only one who could put out the fire was him.
He was a firefighter after all.
27.Cole
My brother was right.
Being away from Mayberry Holm was… It was refreshing. I hated to admit it, I didn’t like pondering over it too much for fear of it making me a terrible father, but having a moment of peace for myself, with Samir? It was exactly what I needed.
I never realized how bogged down I was back home, but not just by responsibilities. By people too. Somehow, at some point, I started caring about other people; what they thought of me, of my daughter, of my mourning. It had become so internalized I hadn’t even realized I was doing it. But now, being here in Boston where no one knew me, no one cared about me but Samir, it was clear as day.
Even our kisses felt different. Hell, just holding hands felt… intoxicating.
How the hell had I not noticed that before? How much baggage I’d been carrying. How many people’s expectations I’d absorbed and made my own.
“Oh, that’s so pretty.” I pointed to the skyline up ahead, and even that simple sentence sounded different coming out of my mouth.
More innocent. More effeminate. More something. More me, I guess.
“It is.” Samir smiled and hugged me closer.
I’d never denied my bisexuality or hidden it from anyone, but at some point after Sandra’s loss, I must have pushed any sort of emotion deep inside me, along with all desire.
But it was all starting to rise to the surface, and while it should have felt scary, it was liberating.
“We should have dinner somewhere. I feel like dinner,” I said.
“Ever had Korean barbecue?” Samir asked.
“No!” I said, and I lit up at the suggestion. “I mean I’ve tried Hwan’s and his grandma’s dishes, but I’ve never had a full-blown barbecue.”
“Right. Let’s go then. Time’s a-wasting.”
I stopped him and pulled him back to me.
“How do you even know where we’re going?”
Samir raised an eyebrow and smirked.
“Did you think I wasn’t going to research everything we can do in town?”
I took a deep breath and chewed on the inside of my lip, feeling lighter than I’d felt in years, and it was all because someone else was taking the lead.
It was bizarre. I’d never had that before. I’d only ever dated Sandra, and even with the few people I’d hooked up before her, I’d been a top—not that being a top was inherently more masculine or leading role, but still.
This was different. This was new for me. And I liked it.
“Of course you did,” I answered and gave him a kiss before we hailed a cab and made our way to the Korean restaurant.
Another mind-blowing experience that left me feeling full and sated. Samir felt the same, so we opted to walk back to our hotel to walk off the heaviness.
