“What do you think, Ella? Do you want to put the star on the top?” Cole asked and passed her a wiry, gold star-shaped ornament.
Ella clapped her hands with enthusiasm, and I couldn’t help but smile. At least she was happy. Wasn’t that the point of these Christmas traditions, or any traditions really? Weren’t they supposed to be activities to do or gatherings to have with family and friends? An opportunity to come together amidst days of routine, work, and detachment?
“Yay!” Ella exclaimed, and Cole lifted her up, stretching as far as he could so Ella could put the star on the top, but she still couldn’t reach.
“Here, I’m taller. I can help,” I said.
Cole passed her over, but not before he grimaced and said, “Rub it in, won’t you?” Then he smirked and I laughed.
Ella focused on the task and wedged the star in one of the top branches and threw her hands in the air in victory. It was a little crooked and would probably need adjusting later, but we all celebrated anyway.
Cole hugged me and kissed his daughter’s cheek, which caused her to giggle uncontrollably for some reason. Not that I was complaining. The sound was magical. Healing. Entertaining. The kind of sound that could wipe out anything dark and bad and replace it with goodness and happiness.
Then again, wasn’t all children’s laughter this magical?
“You know what’s left now, don’t you?” Cole asked, and both Ella and I turned to him.
“The Christmas lights of course!” he shouted, making Ella shriek.
I passed her back to him, and I walked over to the outlet, grabbed the plug, and did a countdown. Ella joined in, and on one, I plugged the lights in, illuminating the house in red, yellow, green, and blue.
Christmas might not be my thing but damn it if it wasn’t so easy to be swept away in the holiday spirit, especially when it was so gorgeous.
And Cole was. Gorgeous under the Christmas lighting. Absolutely, positively breathtaking. This whole scene and the whole evening was.
Which probably explained why I couldn’t take my eyes off him as I rejoined them and marveled at our work of art.
He didn’t stop staring at me either. And as we stood so close side by side, I found his hand and brushed it with mine, holding my breath until he interlocked his fingers with me and squeezed.
My heart thumped in my chest. It thumped so loudly I thought for sure they could both hear it, but if they could, they didn’t let on.
“Right, kiddo. Let’s eat. You need to go to bed,” Cole said, and Ella groaned.
He put her down and told her she could stay up an extra minute if she ate all her food, and the poor girl got so excited she ran to the bathroom to wash her hands.
“Pretty sure that’s child abuse,” I told Cole.
Cole laughed.
“What? She doesn’t know a minute isn’t that long. She can hold a grudge when she gets older. It’s already way past her bedtime.”
He started to move past me, and I caught a whiff of cinnamon and spice that made my mouth water. I grabbed his hand. I pulled him close to me. Was it him? Had he used some sort of festive cologne or deodorant or something? And why couldn’t I resist it?
He stopped and looked at me and kept looking at me as I brought my mouth to his, locking our lips together. He didn’tmove. He didn’t blink. He didn’t say a thing. He stood there as if taken by surprise and let me kiss him for a second or two. And even though it was chaste, even though it only lasted but a mere moment, it filled me with joy, need, and desire. An intoxicating combination that made my heart beat so fast it threatened to burst out of my chest.
When I let go, I came to the realization that my life would never be the same again. It had taken me a hot minute, but I could finally see it and accept it.
Because Cole wasn’t just a fling, or a date, or an obligation. He was so much more, whether he knew it or not.
21.Cole
Itossed and turned for the hundredth time in my bed, but sleep was just as evasive as it had been all night. And it wasn’t because of all the little and big noises around the station that made sleep fragmented on the best of days.
Last night’s event played over and over in my head. The play time with Ella, Samir checking us out and getting involved from the kitchen, the tree decorating, and the lighting of the Christmas tree. The kiss. Picture-perfect moments that seemed determined to stay rooted in my brain.
I opened my eyes and sighed.
How could I forget her?
