“They will be, if you let me plan them.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
He looked around then stared at me. “Really?”
“You said you were out of practice?”
Cole took a big gulp of his beer as if needing liquid courage before he put it down and nodded.
“Yeah. It’s been a few years since I’ve dated.”
I bit my lip and ran my finger over the rim of the glass, trying to resist the next question, but I couldn’t help it.
“Wh-what about Ella’s other parent?”
“Sandra. She… she died in labor.” Cole stared at his beer.
“Oh. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” I buried my face in my hands to hide my shame, but when I recovered, Cole was looking at me.
“You don’t need to apologize. It’s not your fault she’s dead.”
“I know, but still…”
“It’s fine. I promise. But that’s why I’m rusty. I haven’t dated for, like, four years.”
I huffed. “Still better than me.”
“What do you mean?” He cocked his head.
I bit my lower lip and avoided his gaze when I said, “I’ve never been on a date.”
“You haven’t? H-how is that possible?”
“Well… I avoided marriage for as long as I could, and then when I married Zainab, we didn’t really need to do the dating thing. We just got married.”
“You’re married.” Cole sat back, blinking fast.
“Was. We split up about two years ago,” I said. “Zay met Alina and fell in love. She didn’t want to suppress herself anymore, so she came out to me and asked me for a divorce.”
“Wow!” Cole blew out. “That must have been hard.”
“Not really, no. I’ve been suppressing my homosexuality all my life too. So, in a way, it was the excuse I needed to live my life too. Only I’ve been a coward, so I’ve done nothing with it. Just read queer fiction and dream of a happily ever after.”
Cole leaned forward and studied me.
“Do you mind if I ask why you feel that is? Is it your… your religion or something else? Sorry, was that rude to ask? That was rude, wasn’t it?”
I shook my head with a chuckle.
“It’s a valid question. And honestly, I don’t know. I guess I’ve been scared. Scared of what might happen if men don’t like me and don’t want to be with me, scared if they do and want a future with me.”
“Men? Are you after, like, a lot of men or is there a hard limit?”
I looked up confused and saw the cheeky grin form in his face that made me smirk too.
“You know what they say. The more the merrier.”
“Sounds fun. Count me in,” he said before we both burst out laughing.
