1.Cole
Ihate Christmas.
I was so tired. I could have gone to sleep for the whole month, woken up in the new year, and it still wouldn’t have been enough. But I couldn’t do that, could I? I had bills to pay, a child to support, and we both quite liked food. Plus Christmas was just around the corner, and I needed to buy all the gifts.
Which brings me back to my original point.
I hate Christmas.
I hate this time of year.
Although was there a time of the year I didn’t hate? Every month without her had been a drag. I sighed as I drove around the town that had seemingly turned into Winter Wonderland overnight.
She would have loved this. The fairy lights that made the streets into colorful dreams, the wreaths hanging from every streetlight, the forest green garlands, and red bows on every column. And we weren’t even at the height of Christmas yet. I was sure inanother week or two, there would be twice as many decorations everywhere.
Another Christmas without you.
Another year our family would be incomplete, and nothing or no one could change that. Another year I’d have to pretend I was happy just so I didn’t ruin another holiday for my daughter. Not that I ever succeeded.
Why couldn’t it be me?
Oh, how many times the thought had crossed my mind. Sandra would have coped without me. She’d have gotten the job done. She’d have been an incredible mother and given Ella her everything.
It was a good thing Enzo couldn’t see inside my head, or he’d give me a good talking to. I could hear him telling me off. Telling me I was being stupid.
“You need to stop thinking like that and be there for your daughter. You can’t change the past, Cole. No one can.”
I knew that. God, did I know that.
It didn’t mean I’d accepted it. I didn’t think I ever would. I just had to learn to live with it. To live without her.
I brought the car to a stop on the driveway and tightened the scarf around my neck before I got out and walked up to the house. As expected, Carson and Enzo were all holed up in their bedroom, either sleeping or doing all kinds of unspeakable things to each other, but Mom and Dad were up, walking in and out of the living room in a rush while Honeybee tailed after them, making a game out of chasing them.
“No, Colin. You don’t need another suit. How many formal dinners do you think we’ll go to?” Mom’s voice trailed off as she retreated to the bedroom, and Dad huffed, following her.
I stood by the stairs and stared after them, wondering what I’d missed. Was there an event I’d forgotten about? Or was it someone’s birthday?
I tried to recall everyone’s birthday in my head, despite having them all stored on my phone, but I couldn’t find anything of relevance.
“Well, I need dresses, don’t I? Do you expect me to walk around naked?” Mom said and walked back in.
“So you can take all the dresses, but I can’t take a couple of suits? That’s a double standard, that is.” Dad also came back into the room and came to a stop behind Mom, both pausing to look at me as if they'd been caught red-handed.
“Cole! You’re back!” Mom said.
I grimaced.
“I’m sorry. Should I have stayed at work? Am I inconveniencing you by coming back to my home?” I raised an eyebrow, but they didn’t bite my sarcasm. “What’s going on?”
Dad cleared his throat as if bracing himself, but Mom cut in before he could utter a word.
“We’re going on a cruise.”
I gasped.
“What? What are you talking about? I thought you were staying here for Christmas. I thought you were house hunting.”
Mom shrugged. Dad opened his mouth, then promptly closed it when he couldn’t find anything to say.
