That age old pain resurfaces, the pain from the way my father painted a smile on his face every time he lied to Leon and me about where he was going when he left us at home with our sick mother.
How the smile finally dropped when she died, and he left us to be with the woman he'd been seeing behind his wife's back, to go be a father toherchildren instead of the father to the children who actually shared his blood.
"Why did you lie to me?" I repeat when he doesn't answer.
He studies me for a moment. "Why do you think I lied?"
I'm taken back by the question, not expecting him to ask me one and I shake my head. A scoffed laugh escapes me, and I glare up at him. "Was it all just some ploy to get in my pants?"
He huffs, a short laugh escaping him. "You've got to be kidding me." Anger crosses his features, followed by hurt, "You really believe that? You can't tell me you haven't noticed?"
"Noticed what?"
His eyes settle on mine, pupils moving from one to the other as if he's searching my eyes for the words inside my head and he looks down with a shake of his head.
"Noticed what, Asher?"
Finally, he looks crestfallen, like I've just broken his heart, "I'm sick of pretending, Ivy."
I blink at the sudden change in direction, watching as he steps forward, almost crowding me further into the lockers.
"I'm sick of pretending like I'm not completely and entirely in love with every part of you."
I step back in shock, my spine flat against the locker, the cool touch of metal doing nothing to calm my heart or my racing thoughts.
He stops feet from me, yet it feels like he's closer, practically touching me, the heat from his body suffocating. "Is it not obvious how infatuated I am with you, Ivy?" He tilts his head, as if he is just now understanding how oblivious I am. "Why would I lie about my grades?"
"Asher-"
"I wanted to spend time with you, Ivy. I wanted to spend time with the girl who I've been in love with for years, but she's never even looked twice at me."
"That's not true." I interject, cringing.
"Isn't it?" His lips lift but the smile is strained, fake. "Tell me? When did you ever see me as more than your brothers friend or - Charlotte's brother?"
"I-"
"You didn't." He answers for me, "You didn't see me. But now you do, because I found a way for you to look. So yeah, I lied," He shakes his head. "I don't regret it and I'm not sorry."
"You-" I start but no words come, my brain muddled.
"So, what's it going to be, Ivy? Are you going to stop pretending too or am I going to have to make up more reasons for you to spend time with me?"
"I'm not pretending." I mumble.
"So, you're going to tell me that you didn't fall for me these last few weeks, that your heart didn't miss a beat every time I walked into the room, that I haven't taken up any space in your mind?"
"Was that your plan?" I say instead of answering.
He shrugs, "I hoped." He says the words so quietly, his voice almost cracking on the 'h' and he steps forward, his arms out like he wants to pull me into his arms, but they drop before he touches me. "It's your choice, Ivy."
He steps back and begins to walk back to his open locker, grabbing the discarded shirt as he does and pulling it over his head. "I may not be pretending anymore but that doesn't mean I'm going to wait around for a girl who doesn't want me, on the off chance that one day she might."
He looks between my eyes like he's searching for the words I can't say.
"I-" I shake my head, "Maybe this was all a mistake."
"A mistake?" He closes his eyes on a rough exhale. "Yeah, yeah Ivy, maybe it was." He wraps a hand around his duffle and pulls it over his shoulder, turning his back on me and moving for the back exit.
